Failures
by sissyHIYAH
Summary: Quistis and Seifer learn about themselves, their world, and each other.
1. A Sorta Prologue

_Yes, child. Sit closer to the fire. It is very cold, after all. _

_You came for lessons, if what she told me was true. _

_Ah. I thought as much. You want nothing of lessons because you know it all, don't you? You're simply here to hear my tales. _

_No, no. It's no trouble at all. I've the water on to boil so we can enjoy a nice cup of tea while we talk. _

_Oh! Careful now, child! It is very hot. _

_What's that? Sugar? In tea?! Are you mad? This tea needs nothing except the warm caress of his mistress in a porcelain bedchamber. Sugar indeed. Humph. I dried these leaves myself, so I can vouch for their flavor, lad. Until you've tasted my brew, then you've simply never tasted tea. Now stop chattering and listen to me. _

_Hmm? Heh, yes, I suppose that's true. Tea leaves aren't meant for fortune readers. Leave that to the charlatans at the fairs, eh? Pass them a gil or two and they'll read your leaves, alright. One can invent all sorts of histories from a soggy mound of tar at the bottom of a cup. It simply takes a quick mind and a creative eye. That crooked border? Why, 'tis no border at all! It's the shape of a woman's shoulder, the curve of her neck, the sway in her hips. _

_She was right about you. You're a quick one, you are. A fortune from a tea leaf indeed. Of all the ridiculous notions…_

_Bah! I'm rambling. Forgive me. I sit here so long sometimes that I've forgotten how young blood pulses and leaps. You have places to go and people to see, don't you? Perhaps a particular person is waiting for you back at the village, eh? Let me guess. She's a tall one, isn't she? Yes, I thought so. And I imagine that she has red or gold hair, eh? _

_Red, you say? Watch out for the red ones, lad. They're fierce in bed, but they carry that passion with them in everything they do. Mind that you don't have anything expensive around if you come home with too much rum in your guts, eh? Either it or you will end up tossed out of a window. _

_Heh. I'm not so old as all that, lad. Though these old bones have grown cold lately, there's enough heat in my blood to remind them that there is such a thing as a pretty woman. _

_What's that? Don't talk about her like that? Have it your way, lad. I'll not mention her again, but you would do well to remember my words. Ginger girls and ceramics don't mix, so if you get any teapots as wedding gifts, then save the receipts. Fire is difficult to contain, eh?_

_Yes, yes, yes. I see your point. She has nothing to do with this tale. She knows nothing of the sword collector, does she? I thought as much. _

_But you do, don't you? You've heard the whispers, else you wouldn't be here with me, ridiculing the finest tea within these borders. I shouldn't even tell you, but I'm growing old, lad. Time is a greedy old whore, you know. It's no wonder at all that so many try to contain her, but they're fools, the lot of 'em. Time won't be contained. Gold melts and seeps into the crevices of the earth, tainting the rich soil with her glittery lies. _

_Now the earth? Oh, she can be contained. She thrives in her prison. Leave the wings to the creatures of air and flight. Leave the wings to golden time. Wings tire and flutter to the ground after all, once they realize that time has already joined with the earth below._

_That's why you're really here, after all. You've tasted the control, know what it means to feel that soft flesh yield under your fingertips. She was much the same when she came to me._

_Humph. I thought you didn't want to talk about your girl. Ah! Just a comparison! Of course! The earth is a better lover than that fire you left behind, isn't she? She's cooler, of course, but if she ever chose to release that ageless power, the very mouth of hell would open and all would fall into her belly. _

_Hmm. What's that you have in your hands? _

_Yes, those bits of paper you keep flipping between your fingers. Why are you...?_

_Why, those are cards that I've not seen since…_

_Where did you find that card, boy? Yes! That one there! _

_Tell me. _

_How did you come by it? _

_Don't lie to me, boy. _

_Do not lie to me! I've heard the very wind weep and I know the language of birds! Do you honestly think you can fool me with some lie about a game?! I knew her! I know her still! She would never lose that card to anyone, save for perhaps that bastard of flame that followed her here. Why the hell she thought so much of him, of what he was, I'll never understand. She is a child of the earth and she allowed one of the inferno's imps to serve her! It was almost as if she had released some of what she would become if she opened her mouth and sang of her, of her…_

_How? How do I know her?_

_Hmm. _

_Yes, you're right. Damn it all, you're right. Now, run grab a few more sticks of wood for the fire. We'll need them tonight if you mean to hear it all. _

_Yes, you'll need to bring all your arms can carry. It is a proper story after all, and all proper stories need lots of firewood. Princesses and rogues, knights and queens, witches and magic and the very essence of regret. _

_Oh? You've heard this one before? Has she told you how she found that card? How she outwitted both a crucified demon and a lost traveler to keep it? She is very good at games, lad, and she knows this one better than any other. _

_Put that flask down. If you truly mean to hear my words, then I want you to drink tea instead of whiskey. Tea clears your mind instead of clouding it, so set that booze to the side._

_It tastes too much like the earth anyway. _

_Surely she told you that. _

_No? Heh. She would never tell him, either, no matter how he begged and threatened. _

_That's why she drinks it, after all. She can taste the blue fire on her tongue with every sip of earth. Come to think of it, even though I hate to consider it, I think she drinks it because it tastes of him. _

* * *

Note: I decided that what I already had posted would go better as a first chapter instead of a prologue. I apologize for my flightiness. I hope this works better for what I have planned. Hopefully now that this crazy-as-hell period in my life seems to have passed, I can have updates posted sooner. God, I'm so behind on all my fics. This and _A Different Sort of Love Story _are my top priorities, followed by the rewrite of _Cards and Questions, _then the fics for _Rule of Rose. _

I hope to have more posted for this very soon, so if this post seems very vague right now, it will make sense later. So, the old prologue is now chapter one. I should have chapter two up very soon. Woo hoo for the end of stressful bullshit, eh?


	2. Chapter 1

_Psst! Hey! _

_What?_

_Wake up!_

_Seifer! We've been so worried! Where have you been? _

_I've been on a quest! _

_What?_

_A quest! A real one! No wooden sword this time! I found this old place with no trees and no..._

_You have not! You just ran away and..._

_I did not run away! Only cowards run away! _

_You did too! _

_I did not!_

_Did too! You ran away because Matron was yelling at you for being mean to Zell!_

_She was not yelling at me!_

_Be quiet! You'll wake up Matron!_

_Stop being stupid! She sent me in here to talk to you, but you won't even listen!_

_I don't listen to stupid boys that lie._

_Don't call me that._

_Stupid! Seifer is a stupid boy!_

_Don't say that._

_Why not? What are you gonna do? You can't beat up a girl. _

_You're not a girl._

_Yes I am!_

_No, you're not!_

_I am!_

_You're not pretty enough to be a girl. _

_You're stupid. Girls can be other things than pretty, you know. Matron said so._

_She did not._

_Did too. She told me that girls can be 'distinguished' instead of pretty. Distinguished and intelligent girls can lead the world._

_That's only what they call girls that are ugly so they feel better about themselves. _

_They do not!_

_Yeah they do! It ain't the truth to tell people things like that and..._

_It 'isn't' the truth, Seifer. 'Ain't' isn't a word. _

_But you knew what I meant, didn't ya?_

_That's not what..._

_You're just trying to change the subject because you don't want me to call ya ugly again. I ain't stupid, Trepe._

_You are too! You're a stupid boy that just wants to be mean!_

_I'm not stupid! _

_You are too!_

_Okay, if I'm so stupid, then why do ya wear those ugly glasses?_

_Because I need them to see._

_You're lying. You just wear them because you think they make you look smart!_

_Take that back!_

_No! If-if it isn't true, then why don't ya wear 'em when we go outside? Huh? You only wear 'em when you're looking at those books. _

_I don't wear them when..._

_Yeah you do. Look at yourself. _

_Shut up._

_That's not nice._

_Well, you're not being nice to me! You just ran away and nobody knew what happened to you and..._

_And you cried like a little girl, didn't you?_

_I did not!_

_Yeah, I forgot. You're not a girl. You're a freak with glasses and a big head._

_I am too a girl!_

_Prove it then! Do something girly! _

_Girly? Like what?_

_Yeah. Girly. You know, wear pink or play with dolls or have tea parties...ya know. Girly stuff._

_Matron says it's called 'femininity'. _

_Well, yeah, for her, but you're just a girl that..._

_Ah ha!_

_That's not what I meant! You're not like a 'girl' girl! You're too smart to be a girl!_

_Am not!_

_Ah ha!_

_That's not what I meant, Seifer!_

_Yeah, but it's too late now! _

_You're so...so..._

_So what? _

_You're such a liar! You can't even tell me where you've been this past week!_

_I tried, but you won't shut up to even listen to me! _

_Yeah, well, it's because you fib about everything to make yourself look better!_

_I do not!_

_Do too!_

_I. Do. Not. _

_You. Do. Too._

_I was on a quest. _

_You ran away because you're a coward, Seifer._

_I was on a quest, Quistis._

_You were not._

_I was too._

_Were not. _

_Were too._

* * *

Who the hell decided that the sun should be so bright?

And just who the hell decided that clouds should be replaced by shadows?

"Q?"

"Hzzzz....?"

"Q?"

"Hzzzz....?"

Xu squinted at the harsh sunlight. Stupid bastard. She had long ago determined that the sun was out to get her. Stupid solar orb with it's fucking...its fucking...

Wait. What did the sun have that was so bad?

Whatsitcalled...radi-something...radi...

Damn that tequila. Damn it straight to hell.

And damn Quistis for wearing that pink bikini. That fucking bitch _knew _the effects a bit of skin had on her superior officer. It was bad enough that Quistis insisted on spending her summer break with her best friend instead of obeying her goddamned orders...

Xu turned her gaze from bleached blonde hair, soaked by salty marine water and drying on flushed skin, and tried semi-valiantly to blind herself with the happy-go-motherfucking-lucky rays of the sun.

Sun, sun, sun...

Solar something...skin cancer...weird moles in anatomy texts...

Radiation! That's it!

_Fuck you, tequila! You'll not beat me just yet_!

"Q! Wake up! You're gonna get...gonna get...you know, burnt if you sleep out here. The sun's...whatsit...really strong today..."

Quistis swatted Xu's helpful hand away and rolled onto her side. It had been a very long week and she wanted to enjoy what little time she allowed herself for recuperation. Exams were over, her students and their fantastic grades were the envy of the campus, and all Quistis Trepe wanted to do was sleep.

"Leave me 'lone. It feels good."

"Yeah, but you'll bitch me out if I let you sleep out here. I know you and I know that you'll...you know, fuss because I let you sleep..."

Quistis laughed and flipped over so that she could see Xu's perfectly tanned profile. The brown bitch made her sick. Who the hell decided that she could spend hours in the sun without investing a fortune in UV protection?

"Why're you in such a rush, anyway? You aren't burnt at all..."

"No, but I'd hate to see that pretty skin of yours turn all pink..." Xu grinned. The white of her teeth flashed against her deep tan, a shocking contrast to the rest of her mahogany figure. "...unless I'm the reason that you've turned pink, of course. I know all sorts of tricks that would make a blind man close his eyes, you know..."

Quistis laughed and reached into the icy confines of their cooler for another swig of tequila. Visiting the beach had been the best idea that Xu had in weeks. Despite a few Trepie stalkers and a very strange encounter with the man selling both hot dogs and chocobo greens on the pier, it really had been a perfect afternoon.

The sun was bright, the tequila was cold, and Xu hadn't been arrested.

Yet.

Yep. It was a great afternoon.

"You need some...whatsitcalled...sunblock..."

"I do not."

"You do. I'd hate to see such perfect skin ..."

Quistis interrupted before Xu could get into one of her alcohol-induced rants.

"Look who's talking, Miss 'I don't even wear a bathing suit in public'..."

"You're just jealous that...that..."

"This isn't a nude beach, Xu. What would happen if some of our students walked by?"

Xu grinned again, though she did roll over onto her belly, but only because Quistis was asking with that damned silent way she had of asking things.

"Well, they could say that they are the luckiest goddamned students in Balamb's history. They have a fucking goddess for an instructor and a hot ass headmistress with a killer..a killer...a killer tan..."

Quistis shook Xu's shoulder.

Drunk as hell.

"Xu?"

"Xu?"

An elderly couple holding hands walked by and whispered something that Quistis couldn't quite decipher. She was certain that it had something to do with her best friend and her bare ass, but without walking alongside them, she couldn't be sure exactly what they were saying. Throwing back another swig of tequila, she sat up on her towel and waved them away with a friendly middle finger to the heavens.

They looked like tacky tourists in those straw hats, anyway.

* * *

"Seifer?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you help me for a second?"

Seifer dusted his palms on his jeans and leaned the shovel against the wall of the shed.

"Sure, be there in a sec."

Edea smiled and drifted back into the kitchen. She had a whole tray of cookies, some sugar, some peanut butter, and a few chocolate chip, all undoubtedly delicious, yet she'd throw them into the sea before she'd let Cid be the first to taste them.

The few times she decided to use her domestic skills, the singular instances when she felt it necessary to demonstrate just how powerful she could truly be...

"Seifer? Are you coming?"

"Yeah! Be there as soon as I wash my hands!"

"Good! Hurry now, before I lose patience!"

* * *

Note: If there is anything at all that you find in this fic that you like, please give all proper dues to Aurenare for her amazing ideas. For every idea of mine, she had three, each better than the last. I would like to give her dual-author credit, but she told me that it isn't necessary.

The problem with this is: if she hadn't put up with my endless emails and IMs, answered every fucking one of my questions, and given me _so _many ideas, I would still be stuck on page one, jabbering to myself about FFVIII plot holes. This is definitely a fun project (and I'm having one _hell _of a fucking good time with it), but I simply can't pretend that I'm the genius responsible for the ideas. That credit belongs to Aurenare.

And yeah, I yanked the pink thing from _Crisis Core. _Aerith sho' ain't the only character to wear pink...and from what I've read, the FFVIII writers meant for Quistis to be compared to a tulip, but her last name was fucked up in translation. Can you imagine the tulip craze that hit Holland back in the day and compare it to the mania of the Trepies? Yeah, I thought it was kind of snazzy.

Oh! Tequila Princess...you silly, wonderful bitch! I didn't forget you! Xu's beverage of choice is for you, darling! The former-bartender in me is trying to invent a tequila-based drink that I can call 'Princess'.

So, this is going to deal with a shit-load of questions that Seifer and Quistis asked themselves in my last really long fic. It would probably help if you've read _Cards and Questions, _but it isn't necessary. I will make a few notes of some conversations between Q and S in this fic, but I'm going to try very hard to make this a stand-alone fic instead of just a sequel. This is just the fic to answer a bunch of questions that I had about FFVIII and how it treated the characters, especially Quistis and Seifer, who just kick all kinds of ass.

We'll see how it goes.


	3. Chapter 2

It had not been a good morning for the grats.

And if it hadn't been a good morning for the grats, then it certainly hadn't been a good morning for Dr. Kadowaki. It was too damned early for bangs and booms, the muttered curses of overweight men and the roar of construction equipment. Outwardly calm, though privately wondering how many bodies she could bury before the crew noticed she had hijacked their bulldozer, she sipped her second cup of coffee and silently surveyed the chaos in the training center. She rarely felt sympathy for the creatures contained within its walls, especially the grats that had sliced open hundreds of students over the years, but there was something about seeing their detached limbs twitch on the ground that stirred the healer within her. Attracted to the stench of death rising from that thick yellow sap, electric blue corpse-flies buzzed and dipped around the broken stems as they were loaded for transport. She snarled, having never been able to get accustomed to their cloying aroma. Plant, animal, whatever they were, their heavy perfume always had smelled too life-like to smell so dead, too close to the scent of flowers and far too close to the odor of the battlefield.

A forklift rolled over one of the smaller grats and released a thick cloud of rancid vapor into the air. She sighed. It didn't matter that their rank pollen was responsible for hundreds of students vomiting on her exam room floors, nor did it matter that she had lost count of the thousands of sutures sewn into flesh ripped open from their jagged spines, the poor creatures didn't deserve such a terrible fate.

Then again, none of the children she had treated deserved to bear so many scars from carnivorous barracuda-plants, so she was glad to see the ugly bastards exterminated.

She looked down at her coffee and noticed a thin film of dust floating on the dark liquid. Disgusted, she tossed it to the side and held the mug's handle on the crook of one aging finger. With the early-morning buzz of chainsaws and shouts of destruction crews reverberating through the halls of Balamb Garden, sleeping in was impossible, but now she couldn't even drink a simple cup of coffee. If she discovered which of those clumsy idiots knocked a hole in the soundproof walls of the training center, she was going to make certain that the idiot in question felt a great deal of pain. She knew a thing or two about causing pain.

She was a medical professional, after all.

Another dead grat was loaded onto the rusty platform of the disposal cart with a sickening slap, its long tendrils already shorn and bound for eventual sale to research facilities. It pleased her to know that in spite of her misgivings about closing the training center, the headmistress had listened to her concerns about wasting compounds valuable to science. Xu had laughed, saying that the only thing she was worried about was how much the destruction was going to cost, but she heeded the doctor's advice and carefully screened the company hired to transport the poisonous plants to the pharmaceutical centers.

_Don't worry, doc. I'm not going to let some tattooed maniac start snorting grat dust on school grounds. If they want to do that, then they're going to have to pay me street prices instead of the bullshit money the medicine makers have offered. _

_That is far from funny, headmistress. That pollen could become one of the most potent intoxicants we've seen since..._

_Oh relax. I've checked their records, then checked them again. No need to be so damned paranoid all the time. _

Fishing in her pocket for a cigarette, she carefully watched one group of sweating men as they sawed the sticky stems from the grats' corpulent bodies. She frowned, her suspicious raptor eyes wary of any allowed in contact with the plants. The rest of the staff seemed content to allow the crew to complete their work without supervision, but not her. With age came wisdom and with wisdom came wariness. Those plants were far more dangerous than any other beast that had previously lurked in the shadows of palms and ferns. She knew that from her own naivety-shattering experience.

Fresh out of graduate school, the young doctor was eager to heal the world. No mere clinic would do for the medical prodigy. She had a _vision. _Turning down proposals to continue working in the halls where she completed her residency, declining opportunities to treat patients in the most advanced facilities Deling City had to offer, she instead chose to work for a couple that shared her unique vision. They were going to change the world.

The Kramers were young and inspiring and wanted to better the state of mankind as much as she did. They needed her gumption and sass, her brains and attitude. They needed _her. _For the often-times pompous Kadowaki, the one that bucked under her mentors and professors, the promise of being the chief healer of an entire military academy was too exciting an opportunity to ignore. For such a young practitioner, chances like hers were rare indeed. The clinic and the students were to be _hers. _

A series of rape exams was not what Kadowaki expected during her first month as the sole medical authority for the new school. Lacerations and bruises, sure. Burns and scrapes, bullet holes and birth control, yes. She knew that she would be both medic and psychiatrist, the one to whom all students would turn when they had medical or personal crises. She thought she had been prepared for that. Not much older than the cadets she was treating, it came as quite a shock that she should be crying with her patients instead of merely dispensing medications. Had it not been for one student seeking treatment over and over again for allergy-related symptoms during the periods when so many girls were coming to her for help, she might have taken weeks to determine the source of the drug that found its way into so many sodas and cups of tea.

_Pupils equal, round, and bilaterally reactive to light. Appears to be well-nourished and in no immediate distress. Erythema and exudates noted in posterior pharynx. Sulfurous odor noted on patient's breath. Patient states he is studying chemical weapons under Prof. Aki and has been training in TC with repeated exposure to organic toxins excreted by grats. Reports feelings of hypersomnia in addition to respiratory complaints. Recommend sequence of histamine blocker and low-level potion, increased vitamin intake, and follow-up appointment in 2 weeks. _

All fancy medical jargon aside, the boy had stunk. His breath, his skin, his hair. Each of his visits meant that the clinic had to be aired out before she could allow another patient on her exam tables. She would have attributed his odor to poor hygiene if one unlucky girl hadn't mentioned how nauseated she felt as she placed her clothes in an evidence bag. Kadowaki noted the peculiar scent of that smelly boy seemed to emanate from that plastic bag, so after she completed her unpleasant duties, she summoned Headmaster Kramer to initiate an investigation.

Though the odor of the grats still made her stomach turn and lurch, she smiled. Never had she so enjoyed the expulsion of a Garden student. Clever though he might have been to refine a sleeping powder from the grat pollen, he still wasn't as intelligent as the pretty new doctor. It was at her suggestion that records were kept of every student in and out of the training center, how long they were there, and what sort of training they completed. Not only did this aid in maintaining numbers for restocking the beasts, but it eased her mind to know that any student (or instructor, for that matter) would be held accountable for any transgressions resulting from misuse of the training center or the creatures contained therein. She had often been amused at the students and their attempts to hide in the infamous 'secret area' for their romantic trysts. Those late-night busts by the Disciplinary Committee weren't just random, after all. She had always sworn that she'd be damned before she'd allow another student to be harmed if it could at all be prevented. Training accidents were one thing, but malicious attacks caused by teenage hormones and psychological imbalances were another altogether.

Light flickered and died as she finally found a cigarette and lit the tip. Heavy smoke curled about her shoulders and settled in her tight bun as she breathed in the bitter flavor of her _Red Giants_. Inhaling deeply, she held the smoke in her lungs and released it with a faint sigh. The destruction of the training center was just one more item on a decades-long list of new things her old eyes had seen. She figured she may as well celebrate it the same way she celebrated everything else: a few smokes and another cup of coffee, maybe a stiff drink if nobody checked in that afternoon.

"Smoking isn't allowed on campus, doctor. It's not a good example for the students and it's none too healthy, either."

Dr. Kadowaki shrugged, but otherwise ignored the approach of the headmistress. She had seen dismemberment and death, heard far too many screams and gurgles and choked sobs for some upstart girl to lecture her on either proper conduct or the hazards of tobacco. It seemed that her sanity sometimes hinged on those sweet puffs of nicotine, so she was going to keep smoking as long and as much as she wanted, damn it.

"And speaking of unhealthy habits, do you think I could bum one of those off you?" Xu grinned when Kadowaki rolled her eyes. She liked the old bitch and respected her opinions, even if they didn't agree on a single damned thing. "I left mine back in the office."

"Bad example for the students, headmistress." Kadowaki shook one from her pack and offered the filtered tip to her new boss. She wasn't surprised when Xu snatched two and produced a lighter from the confines of her perfectly pressed uniform. Neat. Exact. Professional. In all her years at Garden, she had never seen such immaculate seams. Xu had a unique approach to administration, one involving equal parts heavy praise and even heavier threats, yet her methods seemed to be effective. As likely to smack a student in the back of the head for cheating on an exam as she was to drop to his ear and whisper the answer, the headmistress was a strange woman. Smoking on school grounds was one thing, but running about with wrinkles in one's clothes? It was tantamount to the worst blasphemy. The students seemed to thrive under her disciplined madness, so it made little difference to Kadowaki. They were behaving, and considering the events of the past year, that was all that mattered.

If she had to deal with another fire alarm or mass evacuation because of those damned trigger-happy Trepies...

Cigarette wagging as she spoke, Xu joked, "Well, since you're smoking lights, I don't think it's _too _bad of an example."

"Hm. So if I switch back to full-flavor, should I expect to be penalized?"

Xu chuckled and breathed in the taste of tobacco and dust. She didn't smoke often, but she had lately been stressed with the closing of the training center, plans to utilize the empty space for an open-air gymnasium and pool, and the staggering amount of bullshit that came from dealing with construction crews and building codes. A short track and a pool weren't cheap, yet the gil saved from no longer having to carry insurance policies on five hundred students made the initial investment well worth it. The cost of maintenance for the facility, not to mention the headache of feeding those damned animals, was far more than what the school could afford, so she was eager to spend whatever amount was necessary to ensure that the students had a safe place to exercise.

Jerking her head towards the progress being made, she remarked, "It's a good thing I had the T-Rexaurs cleaned out last week. This lazy bunch of assholes wouldn't know what to do if they had to move anything that weighed more than their lunchboxes."

"Not paying them by the hour, I hope. They'll be here all week if that's the case." Kadowaki grinned. Last week had been very entertaining. The previous crew was surprised to discover that they weren't disposing of rats or roaches, but four two-ton reptiles with arm-length incisors. She had to give Xu credit. That series of blizzaga spells released into the training center's closed ventilation system was a stroke of genius. Accustomed to their warm tropical environment, the sudden burst of frigid air into such damp surroundings stunned flora and fauna alike, withering glossy leaves and slowing speedy reptilian legs. When the headmistress and Instructor Trepe euthanized the sluggish beasts, all that was left was to roll their carcasses onto a truck and ship them out. The crew quickly finished and sped away, calling the next day to say that they were terminating their contract. They dealt with dead mice and pigeons, _not _giant lizards. That call on speaker-phone had been a huge hit at the monthly staff meeting.

"So what brings you here to the scene of the great grat massacre, headmistress?"

Xu took another long pull from her cigarette, then tossed the spent filter on the ground. She was pleased with how quickly things were moving along, but something wasn't quite right. It was all part of her dream. She wanted her students to have the education she never did, one with literature and history, art and music and philosophy. They were going to learn how to construct poems, not bombs. They were going to learn how to plant seeds instead of land mines. Her students were going to learn about the world, not learn how to destroy it. She knew that she should have been happy that the first stages were underway and Balamb Garden would one day be the peaceful institution she dreamed of, but there was something troubling her and she couldn't place it.

There had been a time in her life when she wanted to learn the violin, to imitate the pretty sounds that haunted her sleep and left her humming some long-forgotten songs. Life as one of the faceless Balamb orphans had never given her the chance. The only instrument she ever played was the shining black handgun always at her side. Quistis had once asked her where she heard that tune and Xu was never able to answer, instead only able to suggest they get in just _one more _training session, just _one more _round at the range. That was how they were going to be the best, after all. It would never have done to tell her that she could smell wood-smoke and jasmine, could feel herself being spun in the air by a laughing old woman and hear a tiny brown pup yipping at her heels when she hummed that melody. It didn't matter anyway. The old woman and the dog were both dead, if they had ever existed at all. It was just a stupid song crooned by a corpse, the music drowned by the familiar lullaby of gunfire.

Toying with a scar on the back of her hand, Xu muttered, "I just thought I'd swing by and check on things before I met Q for lunch."

"Reporting to an instructor? My, my, my! The mighty headmistress has to check in with a mere schoolteacher to make her decisions, eh?"

Xu said nothing. Looking at her now-silent companion, Kadowaki observed the tight lines around her mouth and the dark hair framing her sharp features. How old was she now? It was so hard to tell with her. Xu had always been an odd girl, the first to jump in a fight and the last one to be dragged kicking and cursing from the brawl. Until those boys Almasy and Leonhart logged more hours under her care, the woman standing next to her had once been her most frequent visitor. Xu had more bruises and scrapes than any of the other students, some from silly dares, but most from her near-daily fistfights. The girl liked to fight, there was no doubt about that, but when it involved one of the boys saying something about _her _Quistis, she proved that she was learning _all_ the deadly lessons she was being taught.

As she grew older and began concentrating on the difficult SeeD exams, she still spent time with the doctor, sometimes bringing Quistis along for a few rounds of Triple Triad, other times simply stopping by to chat. It was on one of those visits that Kadowaki was first impressed with the intellect of Xu's younger, prettier friend, then shamed when the skinny twerp defeated her at cards. Xu had teased her for years over that match, always saying that her Q was smarter than any old doctor and would one day do great things. Kadowaki had been grateful for the calming presence of the spectacled girl, certain that if it hadn't been for their close friendship, she would one day be performing an autopsy on her favorite student instead of simply bandaging another of her wounds.

"Speaking of your friend, she's not been acting quite right, has she?"

Xu's mouth turned up in a wry smirk. "Quistis is just fine."

"Oh fine. Yes, yes." Kadowaki was perfectly willing to stand there all day while Xu worked up the courage to bare her problems, but it was just seconds before she was shifting her feet and acting much like the broken child she used to be. "Alright. Spill it, kid. I know damned well you didn't come down here to watch those sweating apes dissect grats."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I've known you since you were nine years old, spitting teeth down my sink after getting your sassy little ass beaten to a pulp. You don't come to see me anymore unless something's bothering you."

Xu pressed her tongue to the inside of her upper lip and felt the ridged scar from one of her many fights. It had only been _one _tooth that afternoon, and the boy that punched her hadn't been able to eat solid foods for three weeks after Xu was finished with him. It had taken her two years and a lot of apologies, but Nida was now one of her closest friends. "I told you. I'm just checking the progress so that I can tell Quistis..."

"And I told you..." The doctor lit another cigarette and tried unsuccessfully to blow a smoke ring over her head. "...that you're full of shit."

Xu felt like fidgeting. She always felt like some half-grown kid when she was around Dr. Kadowaki. She wanted to hurry and ask her question so she could meet Quistis for lunch. It was rare that Quistis ever suggested they go out, so she couldn't help feeling a bit excited. She had been worried about her and wanted a chance to talk to her over a few drinks. "Look, I'm in a hurry and I don't have time to uh..."

"Don't say 'uh'. It sounds puerile and unprofessional. Think, then speak. I'll wait."

That seemed to rattle Xu's pride. Kadowaki soon found herself nose-to-nose with one very pissed off headmistress with a very loud mouth. In the span of two shouted minutes, she learned that not only had Quistis been far from fine, but that she wasn't eating enough, she was having terrible headaches, she spent too much time reading some strange old book she found in the library, there had been a leak in their dorm, they were out of tequila, and somebody had stolen Xu's favorite ballpoint pen.

When Xu stopped screaming and Kadowaki was able to hear again, she noticed that the work crew was timidly gathered around their equipment, unsure if they should continue or call it a day. She gave them a saucy wave, urging them to continue. She wanted those stinking grats out so she could breathe properly again.

"So I gather that things are not, in fact, fine and dandy?"

"You...ugh!" Xu threw her hands in the air and stormed out of the training center, but not before she yelled, "When do you plan on retiring, anyway? Aren't you getting kind of old to be such a bitch?"

Kadowaki watched her go with a small smile on her lips. She couldn't possibly retire when those stupid kids needed her so much. It had been that way for years. Garden would fall apart without her.

Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out a pen, wrote a short note on the back of her hand, then finished her cigarette. If she didn't remind herself to cancel a few appointments and free some time, she knew that she'd end up with a full schedule for later that afternoon, when Xu would undoubtedly show up at her office with a deck of cards and a lot of questions.

* * *

_Oh my, how lovely! Cid! Come look at the sky! Come see how pink it is!_

_Well! That's something, alright! We better bring in the clothes. Those look like some serious rain clouds._

_No, no, my love. Those aren't rain clouds. _

_No? Then what are they?_

_Why, they're pink!_

_I think that's because the sun is setting..._

_And that's all that matters, isn't it?! _

_All that matters? _

_Of course! I'll grab the clothes from the line and you go start some tea. Seifer is riding those clouds and he'll be here soon. _

_Seifer? What are you talking about? It just looks like a rainstorm to me._

_Rain? That's no rainstorm. Why, he's coming to see us! _

_Wait. Coming to see us? Nobody has heard from him since..._

_Don't be silly, my love. He's been in good hands._

_I don't understand. What are you...?_

_Best make a few sandwiches too. Hurry now! I can smell the rain on his clothes. He'll be cold and hungry. _

_I thought you said those aren't rain clouds._

_Of course they are! Don't be ridiculous! _

* * *

"Seifer!"

Cid squinted against the midday sunlight and rapidly crossed his arms over his head. Holding aloft two frosty cans of Trabia's finest imported pale ale, he hoped that Seifer wouldn't notice that he had spilled half the beer on top of his head. Half-drunk and unsteady on his feet, he was already queasy from the heat and a bit nervous about talking to his most willful son. Had anyone even asked him why he felt such a pressing need to speak with him, he doubted he would have been able to answer. The need was there and that was enough. It had to be done.

But that didn't stop him from being nervous as hell about it.

Life had been pleasant for Cid the past few months. While never a handyman, his heavy hands were growing used to the struggles of living far from civilization. He was a big man and had never been meant for hiding behind a desk. Headmaster. That was one of the worst decisions he had ever made, even though it hadn't truly been his decision at all. He had grown soft and fat behind that desk and hated every second of it. Building fences and scratching rows in the hard-packed earth for his beloved wife to plant her herbs was the sort of work he felt that he was meant to do. Edea certainly seemed to enjoy life away from the world, reigning over the rocky landscape of Centra, so he was perfectly content to keep her happy there. Centra called to her. He had once asked her why she loved that Hyne-forsaken land so much, especially when it was so difficult to reach the mainland for supplies, but she simply smiled that particular smile of hers...

Yes. It was better to keep her happy. The storms weren't quite as bad then.

He waved again, grinning broadly when he saw that his son noticed him. Seifer liked to escape the small hut by the sea, oftentimes disappearing for days at a time on his fishing expeditions, but he had a plan to steal his attention that afternoon. It was impossible to fish without a pole, and Cid had taken all six of the antique rods from the shed and carefully concealed them behind a stubby cedar. Cooler full of beer, requisite tin can full of squirming bait, and an empty bucket just waiting to be filled with warty Centran perch, he knew his scheme was destined for success. So few things in his life had been successful; his wife despised him, thought him lower than the worms struggling in the can at his feet and his children were monsters and killers. Seifer had always been his boy, his biggest pride and his biggest disappointment. Surely Hyne would smile on a pleasant afternoon with his favorite son. "Over here, my boy! How about a little contest?"

More bored than intrigued with Cid's attempt to snare him, Seifer slowed his pace and cut through the razor-thin blades of coastal grass to the crumbling log Cid was using for a bench. He meant to take a walk to escape the heat of the sun with a quick dip in the shade of a forgotten tide pool, but his bumbling foster father often proved to be excellent entertainment. Taking the offered beer, he popped the top and gulped the delicious bitter liquid, though he declined a seat next to the old man. He wondered how long Cid would pretend to be comfortable sitting on an ant-ridden hunk of wood, getting his ass chewed on by those fiery red fuckers. The fire ants in Centra were unlike the ants anywhere else and he had the scars on his back to prove it. That bratty Selphie once shook a jar of the tiny bastards into his bed and he had spent the better part of the night swatting and swearing as he tried to squish the army crawling over his six-year old body. If it hadn't been for Quistis slapping her in the back of the head, Seifer was certain that he would have began his career as a killer at a much younger age. He had been grateful then, but that was years ago and he was nothing more than a child. Quistis had proven to be a stuck-up cunt that couldn't even be bothered to see if he was even alive, so she was more than welcome to fuck herself all the way to hell.

Cid shifted. The damn bugs were eating him alive. "Nothing like a...ouch! Nothing like a cold beer, eh?"

"We could drink inside the house. Fewer ants."

Cid chuckled and took a sip of his beer. They could have shared a brew indoors, but that was too close to Edea and her mad gardens of thistle and thyme. It felt wrong to be near her when he spoke to Seifer. Far better to leave her with her flowers and blooms, speaking to the bees and the earth. "No, I thought we might have a little competition. Feel up to challenging an old man to a little fishing compet...?"

"No."

"Don't think you can out-fish me, eh?"

Seifer snorted. It was ridiculous. The old bastard couldn't even zip his pants without ripping a hole in his nut sack, so how the hell could he expect to bait a hook? "I don't think so. If you want to explain to your wife how you strangled yourself to death with a fucking length of fishing line, then..."

"But you love to fish! We used to do it together all the time!"

Amusement quickly turned to sour anger. They had fished, alright. They had done a lot of things back then. Some mornings it was fishing, other days it was just watching the clouds roll on the horizon or searching for man-eating tiger tracks. Cid would rouse a much-younger Seifer from sleep, steal a loaf of bread from the pantry, grab a couple of poles, then they'd spend their afternoons having daring adventures by the sea. Cid used to tell him that there was a fierce monster that lived beneath the waves, one that would snap up the girls and eat them for lunch, so they had to patrol the coast every day. Seifer had once thought that the greatest adventure of all, protecting the fair maidens from monster attacks.

_We have to keep the girls safe from that foul beast. 'Tis our duty, young squire!_

_Yeah! We gotta catch it before it hurts one of them! That's what knights do, right?_

_That's right! _

_Well, we should bring Selphie with us next time._

_Oh? And why Selphie? _

_We need bigger bait than worms to catch it._

_And why not Quistis? Afraid to risk your favorite playmate?_

_Her?! She'd probably try to talk it to death. Besides, it's not like she's even a real girl, so that monster wouldn't eat her anyway._

Zell had never been invited to slay the beast, nor had Squall or Irvine. It wasn't until years later, when a drowsy Quistis mentioned that the rest of them always thought it unfair that Cid took special notice, that he even realized Matron sent Cid to tend to him.

_We hated you on those days. _

_Why the fuck did you hate me?_

_Are you kidding? You were so mean to all of us..._

_I wasn't 'mean'. You deserved everything I dished out._

_You cut my hair, you bastard!_

_Well, you're the dumb bitch that fell asleep with bubblegum in your hair. What was I supposed to do?_

_You gave me a bald spot!_

_You wouldn't quit squirming!_

_You were chasing me with scissors!_

_You wouldn't sit still!_

_You, you...!_

_I what, Trepe? _

_Urgh! You drive me crazy! _

_You're just jealous that he took me fishing and you had to babysit Chicken Wuss all the time._

_No, we just hated it when Cid would take you out to play and leave the rest of us behind. I think Matron made him do it because she felt guilty after yelling at you. _

_Felt sorry for me? Fuck that shit. _

_Aw, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings..._

_Shut the hell up, Trepe. And take your fucking hands off my face!_

_Seifer, don't act like..._

_And slide over. You're taking up the entire goddamned bed. _

Fucking sea serpent. Yeah, right. It had all been a pity trip to make the mean little bully feel s_pecial_. Lies. Matron had lied, Cid had lied, Quistis had lied. None of them knew a goddamned thing about honor or pride or the rest of the bullshit in the stories they once told him. Pouring the rest of the beer onto the sandy ground, Seifer muttered, "We didn't do jack-shit together, old man."

Cid fumbled with the tab on his can, flicking his thumbnail against it again and again to hear the hollow twang of the half-empty container. "We did. We used to do everything together before..."

"Fuck you, Kramer. I've got things to do." Chucking the can into the grass, Seifer snatched a pole and stormed off on the path he left before he heard his name.


	4. Chapter 3

"Q! Open up!"

No answer.

Xu's knuckles whitened on the take-out bag. This was the third time in a week that she had to enter the code to unlock their shared room. She banged the sequence of keys with her thumb and stepped back so the motion sensor would open the automatic door. If Quistis was poring over another goddamned book...

"I brought you a...Q? What the hell? Where's your head?"

Xu tilted her own head as she considered the snoring form on their couch. How the hell Quistis could sleep with such a massive tome over her face was a complete mystery to her. It easily weighed five pounds and looked as if it could hold down a tent in a Galbadian sandstorm. Quistis had always sought refuge in books, but to see her literally hiding in one was almost too much for Xu to bear with a straight face.

"Q?"

Quistis snorted and rolled onto her side. The book tumbled to the floor. Xu picked it up and examined it. Yellowing sheets of parchment and lines upon lines of nearly indecipherable hand-writing were barely contained by the plain brown leather. She pouted her lips in disappointment. The pages smelled of dust and age. It looked boring, but just the sort of boring that Quistis would enjoy. She was hoping for something inked in the tortured blood of innocents and bound in human skin. _That _would have been interesting, but no. It was just another book.

She tossed it onto the coffee table with the disdain of someone that has no patience for reading and began digging through the bags. "Scoot over. You're taking up the whole couch."

Again, no answer.

"Quistis?"

Another snort.

"Fine. We'll play it your way."

She pinched Quistis' nostrils together with one hand and used the other to cover her mouth. Bending so low that her nose brushed against her hair, she barked, "Quistis Trepe! Wake your ass up and give me some room!"

"Mmmf? Gey! Get theh huck offa me!"

The struggle was brief. Xu emerged as the victor when she sat on her captive's belly and pinned her to the couch.

"You slept through lunch." She pinched harder. "Again."

"Thorry." Quistis' eyes filled with tears. Xu convinced herself that they were tears of contrition instead of pain and released her grip. She allowed Quistis to sit up and return to the land of the living before she started her next assault.

"Oh well. Luckily for you, I'm merciful and kind."

A foil-wrapped sandwich was tossed into Quistis' lap. Afraid to hurt Xu's feelings, she unwrapped it and took a large bite.

"Eew."

Xu leaned back when it seemed that the suddenly-green Quistis might vomit in her lap. "Don't you dare throw up on me. I don't care how merciful I am, 'cause I'll kick your ass if you..."

"Ugh. You're not _that _merciful. This thing is slathered with mayo."

"Eh?" Xu snatched the sandwich from her and peered into its contents like a delicatessen soothsayer. "Oops. This one's mine."

She dove into the bread and meat with gusto, happily licking her lips when a bit of mayonnaise oozed from her mouth. Quistis felt her stomach turn at Xu's notorious eating habits. "I don't know how you eat that stuff."

"Mmm. It'sh _yummeh. _Makesh shandwichesh tashte great." Xu plucked a limp green disc from her sandwich and wiggled it in front of Quistis' face. "Wanna pickle?"

"You're disgusting."

"And you're picky." Scooping a slippery ribbon of mayo onto her finger, Xu playfully poked at Quistis' sunburned skin. "I should smear this on your nose. You're roasted. I _told _you we were out there too long the other day."

Still groggy, but not so sleepy that she would allow herself to be oiled down by a mayo-wielding sadist, Quistis laughed, "I didn't even want to go. You're the one that insisted when I was perfectly happy to stay here and read."

Xu sucked her finger clean and reached for a bag of chips. "You needed a break."

"I took a break last week."

"A _real _break. Coffee at that little bookstore doesn't count, ya fucking nerd."

Quistis shrugged. "It works for me."

"It _is_ legal to crawl from your cocoon every now and then, you know."

Quistis pulled a slice of turkey from her sandwich and folded it twice, finally laying it on her tongue when the edges were matched against each other. Xu watched every movement with something beyond curiosity.

"What's with you lately? I've never known you to sleep past noon."

Swallowing the turkey, Quistis moved to the first slice of bread. She slowly peeled the crust away before answering, "Just not sleeping much."

Gesturing toward the book on the table, Xu mumbled through a mouthful of crumbs, "Not sleeping much? But that's all you ever do. Sleep and read. It's like you're studying for SeeD all over again."

"Hm..."

Xu wasn't fazed. Quistis spent more time in bed than anywhere else, always staring out the window or dozing, but never truly sleeping. Xu had behaved in a similar manner after she had first learned what it felt like to kill someone, but Quistis hadn't hurt anyone in years.

Had she?

"_Hm _what?"

"I suppose it would be more accurate to say that I'm not sleeping well."

"You were snoozing like a champ when I came in." Picking up the book, Xu flipped to a random page and tried to make sense of the ancient writing. "Though I can't blame you. This shit would put me to sleep in no time flat."

"You're holding it upside down, you idiot."

Xu squinted and brought the book to her eyes. "Ugh. No wonder! Your brain is probably still trying to process all this shit when it should be dreaming of me in a g-string."

"Har, har."

"Really though. What's up? " As it was obvious that Quistis had no interest in eating, Xu gathered the wrappers and bags and swept crumbs from the table. Stepping into the kitchen, she yelled from the direction of the refrigerator. "You've not been having nightmares, have you? I really am starting to worry about you. And you know that I _hate _worrying. Upsets my digestion."

Quistis thought to herself that the only thing that could disturb Xu's digestion would be a cataclysmic earthquake, but she held her tongue. "It's not really dreams, I guess. More just... memories of some things that have gotten all jumbled in my mind."

There was a racket of clattering tea cups and water splashing into a pot. Xu returned a few minutes later with steaming cups of green tea. She set one on Quistis' book. Sipping slowly, unable to say what she really wanted to say, she instead joked, "No prophetic nocturnal visions then? No dire predictions of doom and gloom?"

"Hardly." Shaking her head, Quistis took her tea and slid the book into her lap. Flipping back to the correct page, she resumed her reading. "I'm a teacher, not a prophet."

Any excuse to sit closer to Quistis was fine with Xu, so she leaned over and tried to read along. "Looks like you need to be both to read _that _stuff. Wouldn't hurt to be a chemical engineer too. That page looks like the formula for dynamite...or cinnamon toast."

Quistis laughed. "Dynamite? Cinnamon toast?"

"Don't give me that. You know how my cooking turns out. One is the same as the other, at least when I'm the one cooking. _T__hat _page looks like one from that cookbook I caught on fire."

The laughter was quickly turning into painful abdominal cramps. Even her face was starting to hurt. "Oh please. The material isn't _that _difficult. I daresay you'd have more success translating this than you would attempting to cook again."

"Let's not discuss cooking in my presence, eh? I'm still traumatized."

"I told you that you should never have stuck that spatula into the toaster."

Xu downed the rest of her tea and jerked the book away. "Fine. I'll translate this bitch."

Quistis waited.

Three, two, one...

"This fucking word is longer than my arm! What the hell does it even _mean_?"

"Which one?"

Xu pointed an indignant finger at a word bristling with serifs and sharp accent marks. "That one."

"Let's see...that's _moon_."

"That thing has too many letters to mean _moon, _Q."

"It's actually part of an ode to an old goddess, but yes, they're talking about the moon here."

"Oh." Xu mouthed what she thought the word should sound like and cocked her head to the side. "One of those metaphor deals?"

"More allegorical, but close. Read more and you'll see what I mean."

Xu rolled her eyes. She appreciated the fact that Quistis thought she was smart, but there was smart and then there was Trepe smart. She seemed to forget all too often that not everyone had her brains. "Q, nobody this side of eternity can read this shit."

"You could if you'd let me teach you how to..."

Xu groaned. A lesson in dead languages was _not _how she wanted to spend her afternoon. "Later, maybe. Besides, I'd rather look at these _charming _woodcuts. Who's this bastard in the tights?"

Quistis blinked. Of course the book had illustrations, but she had been so busy translating the text that they hadn't crossed her mind. "What?"

"Octopus man." Xu spilled a bit of tea on the page and winced. Quistis had once chased her through their living room with a ruler for ruining one of her paperback romance novels. It wasn't an experience she cared to relive.

Quistis looked closer, There was indeed a figure with several appendages scowling at a figure dressed in plate armor. "He's not an octopus, you idiot."

"Looks like one to me."

"For the love of...give me that thing." On second glance, he _did _look like an octopus, all long arms and willowy limbs, but Quistis refused to give her the satisfaction of being right. Tracing her finger along the text on the opposite page, she frowned. "Hm. I don't know. I'll have to look up these characters. I only have a very basic knowledge of old Centran, so I'm a bit confused. I think this means nomad or wanderer, but I'm not certain. I'm confused by the emphasis on the..."

"I bet it means octopus."

"Would you give it a rest already?" Quistis slammed the book on the coffee table and massaged a spot on her nose just between her eyes. "It doesn't mean octopus."

"Squid?"

"Remind me to slap you later, smart ass." Leaning back against the cushions, Quistis closed her eyes and tried to change the subject. "How are things moving along?"

The transformation from silly best friend to strict headmistress would have startled anyone not accustomed to Xu's mood swings, but Quistis barely registered the change.

"Slowly, but yes, things are moving along."

"Good then."

"You could help me if you'd translate for those cavemen in hard hats." Something about the way Quistis was only politely listening riled Xu's infamous temper. "You're fluent in Moron after spending so much time with Almasy, aren't you?"

Quietly, almost so low that she couldn't be sure if the words were uttered or imagined, Xu heard Quistis whisper, "Shut up."

"Fine. Sorry."

"Just...don't bring him up anymore."

Quistis brought her feet up from the floor and tucked them beneath her legs. The motion turned her slightly to the side and away from Xu. A few minutes passed in which Xu could only open her mouth and close it again, unsure of what to say that would make Quistis forgive her. She knew that Seifer was a sensitive topic at the best of times, but as she lately had been, withdrawn and quiet, he was the worst possible subject to introduce into a conversation.

Ten minutes passed, then fifteen. Quistis didn't say a word. She just frowned at difficult passages in her reading, occasionally shifting her weight on her ankles.

Silence. Xu hated silence. She hated it even more knowing that she was the reason for it.

Feeling a curious knot in her throat, desperate for something to make that fine line disappear between her friend's eyebrows, she mumbled, "Do you remember that day in the woods? When that caterchipiller sprayed you in the face?"

Quistis smiled, though just barely. "Remember? How the hell could I forget? You were laughing your ass off!"

"Well, you looked funny." Xu would never admit it, but she had been terrified that day. Once she had pulled the suffocating strands from Quistis' face and saw color return to her lips, all she had been able to do was laugh.

"How could you think that was funny?"

"Well, you were gasping and bug-eyed. You looked funny. Like a frog." Xu thought for a second and added, "A frog with glasses. Adorable, really."

"I couldn't breathe, you know."

Xu drew her knees up to her chest and hugged her legs. "You couldn't sleep back then, too."

"What are you talking about?"

"I don't know. You were just having a...I guess it was a nightmare that night, but it must've been a bad one. "

Quistis rolled her head to the side and looked at Xu's profile. She could see a small vein ticking a steady, quick rhythm in her temple. "You watched me sleep? That's a little creepy."

Watching. She had done nothing but watch for years. Xu was tired of watching and waiting. Suddenly standing, she snarled, "I wasn't watching you. I heard you crying and it woke me up. You were..."

"I was what?"

She had been bent backwards, every muscle rigid and stiff. Xu had been able to hear her joints creak from the strain, but when she stumbled to her bed, she had been knocked into the dresser by some unseen force. When the fit passed, Quistis collapsed on the mattress in a heap, sobbing and begging for help. Xu held her the rest of the night, too afraid to leave her to find assistance. When she woke in the morning, she said she was a bit sore, but nothing more. It was as if the night before had never happened. "You were kind of arched up, like someone was pulling you up by your chest. Scared the hell out of me."

Touched by the concern in her voice, Quistis tried to talk some sense into her friend. "I'm sure you were just seeing things, Xu. You probably saw me stretch or something and in the darkness it looked like..."

"No." She had been dizzy for twenty minutes after being hurled across the room. There was no mistaking that. "I know exactly what I saw."

Quistis chewed her lower lip in thought. "Don't be silly. I'm sure you were half-asleep yourself and..."

"The air around you was moving. I saw it. Hell, I fucking _felt it."_

"Oh, please."

"Shut up. I mean, you looked the same and you acted the same the next morning, but there was something _wrong _with you. I felt the same fucking thing I felt when that bastard worm nearly killed you."

"Don't be silly."

"And like for the past few days. I can feel it when you do these things."

Quistis rubbed her eyes and sighed loudly. "Don't be silly, Xu."

Xu kicked the coffee table and sent the tea cups and book skittering to the floor. "God, will you stop that! That's all I ever get from you. _Don't be silly, Xu. Don't be foolish, Xu. Shut your mouth, Xu. That's not prudent, Xu_. All the time."

"I don't say..."

Bending down to pick up the tea cups so she wouldn't have to look at Quistis, Xu spat, "You do and you know it. You're the only person alive that actually uses words like 'prudent' in daily conversation."

"I don't feel like arguing about this again."

"What's wrong with your eyes? Why do you keep rubbing them?"

No delicacy at all. Xu didn't dick around when she wanted information. Quistis didn't want to tell her how much they burned, how it hurt to open her eyelids. "I don't know. Allergies or something."

"Bullshit. You've been doing it again."

Quistis fingered the silver edge of her glasses. The doctors had told her that her corneas were fried from exposure to extremely bright light, possibly from a welding torch. They ignored her when she told them that she had never been exposed to anything bright enough to harm her and she c_ertainly _hadn't been welding metal. Only Dr. Kadowaki had tried to dig a bit deeper into Quistis' medical records, eventually pulling her out of class one day to run a series of tests. The results had been...interesting to the doctor.

"I'm fine."

"Fine? " Xu jerked her thumb towards the ceiling where the fireproof tiles had blackened in thin, exact lines. "Fucking _fine?_ You've left goddamned scorch marks on the ceiling! How the hell did you even _do _that?"

She refused to look up. "It just...happens now."

"You said that you had it under control. You told me that you didn't do it anymore."

"I _do _have it under control!"

Xu gave up the cleaning as a lost cause. She was afraid that she'd throw the tea cups at Quistis if she laid her hands on them again. "This shit isn't normal, even for you. You need to see someone about it."

Quistis laughed. "Who the _hell_ am I supposed to see about it? It's not as if I can find help for this in the goddamned phonebook!"

"Well, there's always the doc..."

She was screaming by this point, her eyes wild, impossibly blue. "It's not a fucking _doctor _I need, Xu."

Xu stood still as Quistis stalked to the door. "Wh-where the hell are you going?"

"To see someone."

"Who?" Xu felt as if she had swallowed lead. "But you just said that..."

"I'm well aware of what I just said."

"That's not what I meant, Q." The door slid open and she was gone. Xu sat on the coffee table and buried her face in her hands. "Damn it. That's not who I meant at all."

* * *

The cafeteria was closed for cleaning and the quad was filled with sunbathing students.

No good.

Quistis wandered to the library, but hesitated by the door. A group of girls were whispering over a computer monitor and pointing in her direction. She simply wasn't in the mood to be ambushed by inquisitive Trepies eager to study during the short summer break.

No good there, either.

Curious to see the progress in the training center, she wandered through the halls until she reached the flimsy barrier formed by two intersecting strips of yellow construction tape.

Ducking under the tape and shoving a piece of plywood to the side, she entered the construction zone and sneaked past a couple of sweating crew members.

The main demolition hadn't extended to the central support columns in the training center, so the secret area still remained, though it was no longer quite as secret with blue contractor's chalk marking the walls. It was far easier to slide into the fissure in the concrete without palm fronds slapping her in the face, but that made the illusion of secrecy all the sillier. It had seemed thrilling and fun when she was younger. Now it just looked like the thing it was: a cracked gray wall near a circuit breaker. When she stepped inside, the rest of the secret area seemed much as it used to be, but the fact remained that it was no longer what it had been.

Moving to the edge of the balcony, she ran her fingers along the underside of the railing until she felt a solid lump under her hand. Quistis tapped the hardened pink glob of bubblegum she had pressed there so long ago and wondered why she couldn't remember the flavor. Everything else about that night was so clear. She could almost feel his hesitant hands on her waist and his hot breath in her ear. She would have smiled at the memory had it been more complete.

There had been an illicit bottle of white wine and a shy, hurried kiss. They sneaked in after dodging two instructors, giggling at their cleverness. She was fond of him, though certainly not in love. He was simply older and handsome, and unfailingly considerate, even wedging the door closed so they might have a bit of privacy from other like-minded students.

She pried the gum loose and observed the marks left by her teeth.

Had she smiled then? Did she smile for him when he kissed her? It was a pleasant kiss, if somewhat sloppy. She must have smiled. Surely she did. After all, they spent the night on the concrete floor and nearly missed the next morning's class. She would have smiled at someone that important.

Gentle. He had been so very gentle. She was almost certain he loved her.

Seifer was sparring with her in the training center when she learned he had been killed during his SeeD exam. It was a missile, the messenger told her. None of his squad survived. She thanked the girl for her information and sent her on her way.

There was a vague recollection of Seifer staring at her, waiting for her to do something, anything. When the messenger was gone, he told her to ready her weapon. They practiced for hours after that. Feints and lunges, quick slices in the air and great clouds of fire. She dodged him over and over again, unable to land any blows of her own. Seifer wouldn't stop and she didn't want him to. She had been unable to tell if the white streaks on her dusty cheeks were from tears or from sweat. He could tell, but didn't say anything to her about it, instead just tossing her the rag he used to clean his gunblade so she could wipe her face. He had left her there after that, alone with a rag that smelled of oil and sweat.

"That stupid asshole..."

Disgusted, Quistis tossed the gum to the floor to be swept up when the crews finished their work, or perhaps just kicked to the side for another few years. Pushing aside the temporary door made from industrial plastic, she strode from the training center and resumed her long walk.

She wouldn't hate herself until later that night, when she finally recalled the taste of strawberry gum but couldn't remember the color of that boy's eyes.

* * *

Note: Okay. Secret area. Quistis mentions to Squall that she hadn't been there in a while. Why not? What kept her from that place? What made it special to her and what made her want someone to listen to her there? Who knows, right? I still think Quistis was the first out of the orphans to get lucky. She did everything early, after all.

Also, ever noticed that Quistis bends backwards before she casts a spell, just like the caterchipillars? Funny, ain't it?


	5. Chapter 4

She didn't tan, so Squall didn't understand why Rinoa was stretched out on a blanket in the sunniest area of their yard, twirling her fingers above her face. She looked like a princess from a fairy tale, holding her fingertips aloft for the songbirds to use as perches for their inevitable duet. He knew that she would never have the patience for a bird to land on her finger. Rinoa was more likely to climb a tree and force it to sing on her hand rather than wait. He hated to imagine what might happen if someone like Selphie ever suggested the idea to her. Between the two of them, they stood a good chance of blowing up every tree within a mile of their tiny house in an effort to bend nature to their collective will.

"What are you doing?"

She wiped a few beads of sweat from her nose and held her hand up again so she could watch the sky through her fingers. She closed her fingers and the blue was gone. She opened them again, fanning her hand so that the sky appeared to have stripes. Hello blue. Goodbye blue. Hello again, blue. "Watching the sky."

Squall glanced up and saw nothing of interest. The weather had been clear and hot for two weeks, with no forecast for change anytime soon. They needed some rain, especially for their wilted vegetable garden, but he didn't mind the heat. At least it was constant, predictable. Far more importantly, it was reliable.

"What are you looking for?"

"Nothing, really." She waved her hand and felt thin slivers of coolness where her fingers shaded her face from the sun. "It's just pretty today, don't you think?"

The top of Squall's head was starting to prickle from the heat. Flopping onto the blanket next to his girlfriend, he rested on one arm and watched her play with the sky. She did odd things sometimes, like luring ants to the front porch with sugar because she liked to watch them march, but that was part of her charm. He wanted his world to be predictable and calm, but she could be as chaotic as she wanted. There was something soothing that her capricious nature provided him. An odd thing that, especially as he despised the same quality in others.

She gently placed her fingertips on his chin, noting that he had a small shaving cut on the sharp edge of his jaw, then not-so-gently forced his face towards the sky. Settling back onto her elbows, she resumed her study of the cloudless blue above. "I think you should watch it too. You don't do it enough."

Squall copied her and leaned on his own elbows. The heat was making him drowsy. Grasshoppers buzzed over the crackling lawn, their bodies expanding in flying curtains of black and white, then folding into neat, green packages upon landing. He thought them deceitful little insects, hiding their wings like that just to leap out and surprise anyone nearby.

"So which one called?" Arms tired, Rinoa let them fall to her sides so Squall would stop wondering what she was doing. It was cute most of the time, but she wanted to speak with him, not have him stare at her like some love-struck kid.

He had almost forgotten why he wanted to speak with her in the first place. "What?"

"Was it Quisty or Xu?"

"I never said..." Indeed he hadn't. He had been so entranced with watching her that he forgot to mention that he had just received a call from Garden. The school on the salty coast of Balamb was part of his past and he liked to keep it that way.

"Must have been Xu then."

"How did you...?"

Rinoa shrugged as much as her position would allow, pouting her lips when the motion didn't feel as satisfactory as it should have. It was hard to shrug on her back. "Quisty must have ran off again."

A short nod. She was almost scary when she did things like this. He had forgotten to feed Angelo one morning and she knew it before they even made it to the market. Rinoa wouldn't talk to him for two hours after that, not until he had promised to buy that damned dog a new chew toy as an apology.

"And she's not called in a few days."

"Yeah."

"And she wanted to know if we had talked to her."

Squall rarely stammered, but Rinoa had the ability to make him feel like he was speaking to a group of distinguished military officials in nothing but a pair of briefs and a pink wig. "Yes, but..."

"Oh, don't look so confused. You're not as mysterious as you like to think you are, mister."

"What?"

She tugged his ear lobe and rubbed it between her thumb and forefinger. "Your ear is red from holding the phone for so long. I figured it might have been Selphie..."

Squall blew a strand of hair out of his face. Rinoa smiled.

"...but you don't get irritated talking to her."

"I'm not irritated."

"You are. Your nose is red where you always pinch it." Poking the spot between his eyebrows that he unconsciously reached for during periods of emotional distress, she teased, "Riiiiight there. Keep pinching it like that and you'll pinch it off one day."

"Okay. Fine. She's worried."

Rinoa sat up so she could shrug properly. When talking to Squall, she needed every tool at her disposal. Her body could say things better than her mouth sometimes, especially when he was in one of his staring moods. "I figured. She gets like that."

"She freaks out, you mean."

"Oh hush. She doesn't freak out."

Eyebrows lifting so that they were hidden by his hair, Squall felt his mouth open before he could stop himself. "When it comes to Quistis? She's nuts."

In spite of Xu's temper, Rinoa couldn't bring herself to feel any real anger towards her. Xu did for Quistis what Rinoa had once wanted her father to do for her, what Squall did for her now. She had frightening methods, but she was a softie at heart.

She hoped, anyway. "Just because she's a little...protective doesn't mean she's nuts."

Squall saw the glimmer of a smile on Rinoa's lips when his hand started to move towards his nose. He brushed his hair from his eyes instead. "Whatever."

"So where is she going?"

It was too hot to talk about Quistis. She was fine, as far as he knew, so he didn't understand why everyone cared so much. She was a big girl. She could handle herself. "Hell if I know."

"Aww..." Rinoa fluffed his hair and kissed his forehead. "Always so mad."

"Ugh. Whatever."

"So I guess you don't know?"

Confused and too hot to try to pretend otherwise, Squall finally snapped, "Why would I know?"

Hoisting herself up to her feet, she stepped on Squall's toes and reached for his hands. When he pulled himself to a standing position, she kissed his chin, then mumbled, "Eh, you're who I would call if I were Xu."

"What? Why would you call me? I don't even have that much to do with Quistis anymore."

"Because you think like..." She nearly said _because you think like Seifer, _but caught herself just in time. If she made him mad today, he'd hide in the den with a weapons magazine instead of grilling that spicy chicken he promised her. It wouldn't have been such a big deal, but he loved the praise she lavished on him when he cooked. He was always so _happy _when he was in the kitchen. She wondered what he might have become if he had gone to culinary school instead of a dodgy old military academy. "Oh, never mind honey. You'll _really_ get mad if I tell you. Let's just go inside and make some lemonade."

* * *

Quistis tapped a pen against her teeth in frustration. She had only a foggy idea why she was sitting on a cracked plastic chair in a dim dining room, trying to read an archaic tome that probably hadn't even been understood by anyone that originally spoke the language. It wouldn't have been so difficult to translate the text if anyone could help her. Even the most complicated tongues had a cadence, a rhythm that made sense of the words even when the exact meaning wasn't clear. Her book seemed to have been written by a madman. Some passages were clear, easily understood to be tales and poems, but others, like the one that had her so bewildered now, were the most complicated reading she had ever done.

Water dripped from a faucet.

_Ping._

She squinted at the page bearing the octopus man that Xu thought so amusing a few days ago.

_Ping._

Even the style of the characters themselves seemed to be different, as if another hand had stolen the quill from the author.

_Ping._

She continued to read. Time, war, a great army...a bird? Surely that meant something else.

_Ping._

A game involving swords and a horse? A rip in dimensions? What did that even _mean? _It sounded more like someone was trying to write a script for a science fiction series than writing a passage for a book of folklore.

_Ping._

The hell with it.

She closed the book and rubbed her eyes. She was too tired to make any sense of her translation anyway. Xu would have kicked her ass for pushing herself so hard, but Xu wasn't with her, so she felt like she should kick her own ass. It felt as if her eyelids were lined with sandpaper.

_"How long have you been doing this?"_

_"As long as I can remember."_

_"Hm. And how long is that?"_

_"Since I was a kid."_

_"That's not long. If I said that, then you could claim it's been a long time. Since you're just a kid, don't give me the aged and wise routine, at least not until you're well past forty. Okay kiddo?"_

In spite of the pain from her eyes, Quistis smiled. Her many visits to Dr. Kadowaki's office were always educational. The woman was clever, Quistis had to admit that. Rolling bandages and learning how to mix potions, it never felt like she was being interviewed. Looking back on it, she couldn't believe that she allowed herself to fall for such an obvious ruse, but it had happened every time. If nothing else, it had been nice to have someone to talk to, even if she had been outsmarted into yielding information about herself.

_"Tell me about the first instance."_

_"I...I don't really remember."_

_"And yet you've been doing it since childhood? How can you claim that if you can't remember doing it?"_

_"Because I know."_

_"You seem very sure of this."_

_"Well Doctor K, when's the first time you walked?"_

_"Walking is something that everyone does. This is something...slightly less common."_

_"And this is something I've always done. I can't tell you when it started. It's just..."_

She knew that she could do things that the others couldn't do, but she had never really thought that much about it. It was simply part of her, as much as her blonde hair and the freckles on her shoulders. Some kids could dance, some could do somersaults, and she could fire lasers from her eyes. It was all perfectly natural and perfectly normal, at least for her.

_"Fine, fine. Let's move on. Tell me what happens."_

_"I don't really know. Everything just gets really hot and then..."_

_"No, no. I've read the reports. I think everyone in a three-mile radius is now aware of WHAT happens, especially if they bother to notice that pile of ash in that was formerly a very attractive Galbadian Date Palm. I mean what precipitates these spells of yours. What do you do to make it happen?"_

_"I don't do anything."_

_"Hm. In that case, what happens to you in order for this to occur? What happened in the T.C.?"_

_"We were just training. Instructor Aki had paired me against Seifer so that we could practice our fire spells. No drawing, no healing. Silent casts. Seifer has always been better at silent casting..." _

That was something that had always bothered her. No matter how she could best him in coursework and academics, Seifer was always better at casting certain types of magic. He made it seem so easy, the bastard.

_"...at least with the flame derivatives."_

She almost laughed. Even when reminiscing, she found that her past self couldn't stand to know that Seifer could do something better than her.

_"Mhm."_

_"So he hit me pretty hard with fira, then I fell over. He started laughing about it, then the next thing I know, everyone is yelling and somebody tackled me. I didn't mean to hit him. Not with that, anyway."_

_"Mhm."_

_"Is he okay? Did I hurt him?"_

_"I think you hurt his pride, but physically, he'll be fine. The tree, on the other hand, will never again bear those delicious dates that I enjoyed so much in my lunch..." _

_"He didn't say anything to me. He always says something!"_

_"Well, he was lamenting the loss of the back of his pants..."_

_"Doctor, please!"_

_"Oh, stop worrying. He's fine. He might be a bit embarrassed that you knocked him on his ass when he was showing off, but he's perfectly fine. He won't be able to sit on anything harder than a pillow for a few days, but those burns will heal in no time. As for me, though, I'm out one date tree, so I recommend that you keep rolling those bandages so I don't have to give you detention, young lady."_

Quistis meant to stop by Kadowaki's office before she left, but whether it was to say hello, goodbye, or just to thank her for years of advice, she didn't know. Dr. K was the closest she had to a mother, just as Xu was the closest she had to a sister. She had considered telling Xu where she planned to go, but that would have been seen as an insult instead of a favor. She loved them both and felt like she had stolen something precious from them when she packed her old traveling bag, just like she used to for missions. A change of clothes, a few potions, first aid supplies, her favorite well-worn whip, a tent, a knife, and her book, then she left Garden before the sun rose. And though she hated to, she had a spirit resting in her mind, just a word away from true junctioning.

Heavy footsteps clanging on metal stairs interrupted her musings. She looked up to see an old man descending the rusted staircase. He scratched his beard and gave what Quistis assumed was a smile. She couldn't see past the grizzled hair on his chin and cheeks to be sure, but his kind eyes were definitely grinning.

"Evenin' ma'am." He clomped to the miniature refrigerator and pulled out a six-pack of cans, then opened one with his teeth. "You want a beer?"

Quistis returned his smile, but tongued the back of her front teeth. She couldn't bear to think what he was doing to the enamel on his incisors. "No, but thank you."

The longest part of his beard was tangled in the topmost buttons of his shirt. Quistis could see the hair tugging against the buttons when he tilted his head toward the table. "Gonna bother you if I have one?"

"No, not at all."

He fumbled with some metal tumblers and poured beer into one, then sloshed a light pink concoction into another. Sitting across from Quistis, he pushed one to her and drank heavily from his own. "Here you go. I can't sit here and not offer you something. My mother would turn in her grave if she thought I let a guest go thirsty, 'specially a nice lady like yourself."

"Thank you." Gingerly sipping the icy mixture, Quistis tasted something pleasantly bitter and only faintly sweet. From the color, she had expected it to taste like cotton candy. "This is delicious. What is it?"

A dark crease appeared in his beard, so Quistis again guessed that he was smiling. "It's a juice we carry with us on the longer trips. It's hard to get any fresh fruit, especially where we're heading, so we strain a lot of apples and Trabian ice-berries, then freeze it all before we head out."

Quistis sipped from her juice and pressed her cold fingertips into her eyes. It was quite a relief after struggling with the translation for three hours.

"So what you reading?"

"Hm?"

The old man pointed one gnarled finger towards the object of her recent obsession. "That book you been reading for the past two days. I saw you wouldn't let it outta your sight when you came to ask me for passage."

"Just an old book. It's mainly old songs and tales."

He finished his beer and grabbed another, pouring it from a distance so he had lots of thick foam hissing in his tumbler. He took a long pull, then sucked the suds from his moustache. He smacked his lips in satisfaction. "Bah. No good to read a song. Meant to be sung, they are."

That made so much sense that Quistis almost felt foolish. "That may be, but I doubt anyone knows the words to some of these."

He lifted the cover and flipped the pages on his thumb. "Have you read 'em all?"

"I've tried, but it's an extremely difficult translation."

Opening the book to a random page, he pointed at the neat rows of characters. "Well, what's that one about?"

She knew the answer to _that _one. He had found one of the first and simplest translations she had done. It was naive of her to think that decoding the rest of the book would be so easy. "An old king on a quest to find a divine relic."

"Oh aye, aye. Those relics did have a tendency to be divine. Wouldn't be fun to look for if it was a plain old relic."

Quistis watched him for a few seconds, completely dumbfounded. "That's...the most sensible thing I've heard in months."

Hoisting his beer overheard, he mimicked the pose on a famous movie poster, then brought it back to his lips so he could polish off the few remaining drops. "I reckon it was a cup or a sword, it bein' a divine relic and all."

"Well...yes. He's searching for a particular sword, one that can summon fire and ash." Quistis snatched the book and scanned the words snaked and curled on the pages. "Wait a second. Can you read this?"

"Read it? Hell girl, I can barely write me own name in Common. I don't have to read it to know that the kings were always after cups and swords." Both of their drinks finished, he dropped the cups in the stained sink, then took his seat again. "The way I figure is, it musta been pretty damned boring being a king. After you've drank and whored and killed a few men, what's left to do?"

She thought carefully, trying to sort through what she knew of royalty and what was nothing but myth and legend. "I imagine a king would stay very busy with royal politics and the enforcement of..."

"No lass. That's what a king would do _now, _but I mean the kings in your songs there."

"He seems to be on a journey..."

"Hm. Lots of exciting things happen in that one? Dragons and whatnot?"

Her finger traced the lines that she had read countless times. "There's a battle with a wizard, and the sword of power has been cast into a dark cloud..."

He laughed. "That ain't a king then. Must be his knight."

"What?"

"The good songs are about the knights, not the kings. They're the ones that had the adventures." Leaning so close that she could smell the hops on his breath, he whispered, "But the _best _songs... the ones that people will sing for centuries, the _best_ ones are about fishing."

"Fishing?"

"Aye! That's where the excitement is! You never know what you'll pull into your boat. Might be a mermaid, might be a kraken."

Her lips betrayed her. Quistis was grinning before she could stop herself. "You're kidding, right?"

"No ma'am."

"You can pull a kraken onto this boat?"

He pinched his fingers together, as if he had a worm that he was going to thread onto a hook. "A small one, maybe. I might have one dragging along beneath the water right now..."

"Ah! Of course. Should we check the nets?"

He drew back in mock alarm, one hand on his chest, the other over his mouth. "Check the nets? Are you daft? If we do that, then we'll know that he's not there for sure." Checking behind him to make sure none of his crew might be coming down for a late supper, he hissed, "It's better if we can't see him. He's bigger that way. You listen to old Pops. He won't tell you a lie."

"He won't?"

"Not to you, my fair lady. You complimented my juice recipe." Pops winked again. "I'll lie like a son-of-a-bitch to everyone else, though."

They continued like this for some time. Quistis was bored by the long trip and Pops was glad to have someone new to hear his stories of the sea. He told her of his wife and mother, of how they both died during the same year of the same wasting disease, and he told her about his son, who was a fine fisherman in his own right, though his methods were too modern for his old man.

Quistis listened attentively, laughing when he told an off-color joke and asking polite questions when it seemed proper to do so.

Eventually Pops asked what had been bothering him since she had requested passage on his fishing boat. "Why are you heading down into these parts? It ain't exactly a tourist hotspot."

Quistis muttered something about needing to see someone, then flipped to the section in her reading that was giving her so much trouble.

Pops squinted, then patted her hand. "He better be worth it. I sure as hell wouldn't want my lady coming to see me in such a godforsaken spot."

Not looking up, Quistis asked, "Who says there's a _he_ involved?"

"Ma'am, there's always a he involved when it comes to a pretty gal on a boat ride to nowhere. That's as much a given as the knights that go on quests while the kings sit on their thrones and get older and older." Belching deep within his chest, Pops covered his mouth and tried to disguise it with another question. The resulting groan sounded like a giant croaking frog. "What's his name?"

Quistis laughed until tears were streaming from her burning eyes. "I call him Jackass most of the time."

Pops wiped his own eyes with the back of his hand. He hadn't laughed so long or so happily in years. "What the hell is old Jack doing so far from the world?"

Fingering the edges of the pages, Quistis pursed her lips in thought. After a minute of constant page flipping, she smiled just enough to correct herself once more. "You might say he's never really been part of the world in the first place."

Pops patted her hand once more and gave it a slight squeeze. "You're a lovely lady, if you don't mind me saying so. Got a right pretty smile, you do. If I were a younger man and had you sitting across from me, I'd consider myself the luckiest fisherman in the world. It's like the sea has sent a siren into my nets, having you at my table."

That was funny. Quistis was tempted to laugh again, but he seemed so earnest that she couldn't hurt his feelings. "I'd be a sad sort of siren, reading my songs to you instead of singing."

"That may be, ma'am. That may very well be." Reaching under his beard, Pops procured a battered flask and offered it to his companion. "Ah well. Here's to crashing into the rocks and drowning in the arms of a beautiful woman, eh?"

Quistis accepted it and raised it to her lips. She held it there, feeling the warmth of the metal on her hand. Almost ashamed of herself for the childish thought, but unable to prevent thinking it, she briefly wondered how many bottles of liquor he could hide under that beard of his. "Here's to drowning."

Pops took a single sip from his flask, then replaced it in his hidden pocket. "Well, you best lie down for a bit and rest while you can, ma'am. We'll be hitting the Centran coast in the morning and you'll be sick as hell. I've been fishing these waters for thirty years and I still get mighty queasy, so you're likely gonna be heaving your guts out in the morning."


	6. Chapter 6

"Crazy..."

"I'm crazy for feeling so lonely..."

"I'm crazy,,,

"Crazy for feeling so blue..."

Four hours of walking.

Four long, long hours.

Quistis wanted some water and a friendly bench. It didn't even have to be in a shady spot. She just wanted to take off her boots.

A stone, likely picked up along the trail leading away from the small port, was boring a hole through Quistis' sock. Sweat trickled along her spine, licking just between her shoulder blades, yet she didn't move. She couldn't. Edea stood between her and the sun, her form a hazy silhouette against the late-morning light. A chorus of bees hummed along with her, though they zipped about unseen, content to let their star have her stage.

After walking for those four hot hours, trying to beat the sun and the midday heat to the cottage by the sea, all she could do was listen to her mother sing as she tended the garden and the hives. It might have reassured her to say that she was frozen to the spot from exhaustion, too tired to go on, but she knew better. She was nervous, almost frightened. What could she say to Edea? What _would_ she say to her?

"I knew..."

"You'd love me as long as you wanted..."

The lyrics fell from Edea's lips like honey poured from a pitcher. It seemed to Quistis hat she had always loved to hear her sing, but had forgotten it somehow. Perhaps it could be blamed on junctioning, but she didn't think so. Listening to the low crooning in the crooked little garden, remembering how much she enjoyed it, Quistis realized that she had began trying to forget long before she left the island. It had been a childish pleasure, one that she was eager to outgrow and forget.

"And then someday..."

"You'd leave me for somebody new..."

Gray dust wafted up in tiny clouds as Edea moved among the flowers and herbs, dimming the bright indigo hem of her skirt. Quistis wondered if she dyed it herself. There was an uneven, homemade look to the fabric, as if someone had lost patience with the dye and pulled it from the vat too soon, before the pale evening violet could seep into the heavier blue of night. Even though she wasn't close enough to see Edea's fingertips, she caught herself looking for them to see if they might match the mad purple swirls in her skirt.

"Crazy..."

"I'm crazy for feeling so lonely..."

Quistis leaned her elbows against the garden wall and watched her bustle among her flowers, like she used to when she was still that old woman trapped in a child's body. The others played in the flowers or chased butterflies, but not her. No, never Quistis. She watched and she learned. It had been at her suggestion that the hives along the border of the garden were constructed, as it would be a good way for them to save on sugar, as well as giving Quistis something to study. The books weren't enough and Cid's stories had lost their luster. She needed more. She needed to create something of her own, to watch it and learn from it. An apiary seemed perfect and Matron had been eager to agree, so Cid hammered some boards together from diagrams Quistis had found in a dog-eared almanac.

"Worry..."

"Why do I let myself worry..."

The long hike from the sea was forgotten. Four hours of slipping on the layer of powdered shale that seemed to cover the entire island, the sweat stinging her eyes and the sand in her boots, the burrs on her clothes from waist-high coastal grasses-all were forgotten. She was six again and Edea was singing to her because the others didn't understand.

"Wondering..."

"What in the world did I do..."

White flowers shone among the grasses and weeds scattered throughout the garden, all star-bright asters and daisies. Edea once insisted that her children pick those for the vases in the house. They were the brightest, she used to tell them, and their white petals might glow at night. If the sun had flowers bearing his name and the summer storms had their blood red poppies, then why shouldn't the moon have her own fairy bouquet? The moon loved her white flowers, after all.

"Crazy..."

"Crazy for feeling so blue..."

Quistis hated her for lying, even as a child. The darker-hued flowers were favored by honeybees, but the white asters were crowding out the blue sea hollies. Everyone else believed her, but Quistis had done her research. Blue and purple flowers attracted more bees because of ultraviolet light patterns, thus a healthier hive and better honey. She hated Edea for lying to them, for telling them that the moon wanted to share her light with them, but she hated herself even more for wanting to believe her. The desire to grab a handful of white flowers was still so strong that she had to remind herself that she wasn't a child anymore.

She almost laughed at that. It wasn't as if she had ever been a real child in the first place.

The stones on the wall were digging into her arms, so Quistis finally shifted. Her supplies rattled in her pack, startling her.

Edea's body turned at the sound, slowly, like a ballerina in a music box. She didn't seem surprised to see Quistis watching her.

"Hello, Quistis."

Quistis was suddenly very thirsty, but no longer for water. Her voice cracked, though she swallowed hard and croaked a weak greeting. "Hello, Matron."

Motioning for her to enter the gate, Edea set her basket to the ground and held her arms open for a hug. Hundreds of bees rose above her and circled around her, a dark halo purring with a single mind. "Come here, darling. It's been far too long."

Run to her? Run from her? Quistis hesitated at the gate.

"Don't worry, Sweetness. They won't sting you." She smiled and the humming grew louder. "They wouldn't dare."

Bees could sense fear, just like any other creature, so all she had to do was banish it, send the fear away. It seemed simple enough, but the bees weren't what frightened her. Even if they attacked, she had enough potions to counter their venom. What frightened her was the pull she felt, the sensation of falling and falling until she found what she wanted, what the hive told her it held. The hive held secrets and it would share them with her, if only she would sing to them like Edea. She had felt this fear with marlboros and behemoths, but those were fierce creatures. She had always known the bees. They were old friends.

Misunderstanding her hesitation for fear of the swarm, Edea stepped forward and wrapped her arms around her daughter. "My pretty, pretty Quistis. Why has it taken so long for you to come see me?"

Vanilla and sun and rainwater. Edea's hair held the scent of early summer. Quistis buried her face into her shoulder and breathed deeply, trying to forget another past that had seen them both try to kill the other. It seemed so far away, now that her mother was holding her in their garden again. Had it happened at all? With this woman? "I'm sorry. I've been very busy lately."

"I'm not surprised. That's the only way you know how to be, my busy little bee." A quick kiss on the cheek and Edea pulled back, pretending to not notice how Quistis stumbled when she stepped away. For all her childhood insistence that she was so independent, it amused Edea to see her oldest child act like the baby. "Come, come. Let me show you the work I've done for your old hives, yes?"

Holding her hand, Edea dragged Quistis to the far edge of the garden, past the herbs to the white-washed wooden boxes perched on bricks. She wrenched open one of the hives and smiled at the activity within, humming to remind the bees that it was just her and her guest. Their brown bodies vibrated with anger at first, crawling over one another to shield their precious wax combs from the eyes of the intruder, but they soon settled when they heard her sing her greeting.

Edea's hand dipped into the hive, allowing the bees to slink along her wrist, between her outstretched fingers and over her palm. First one, then a dozen, then more and hundreds more until her arm was covered with tiny bodies. Quistis shuddered when she lifted her arm, now heavy with hundreds of insects, and waved as if they had just seen each other across a crowded restaurant. She thought it looked as if Edea had been burned and the blackened skin was moving in an effort to close itself again.

_A witch on the stake, but she's laughing as if the flames tickle instead of burn..._

"See how they scamper about? All for their queen while she lies inside the hive. Just waiting..."

Quistis felt her stomach lurch when she looked into the hive. The queen was indeed lying inside, just as Edea said, throbbing like some bloated artery. Heat rose from the wax in a damp cloud, bringing the scent of honey to her nostrils.

"Look at her."

Quistis felt so small. "I see her."

"Almost a monster, isn't she? Lazy and ugly, but they prance about like so many chained fairies for her. Isn't she delightful?"

The bees began to lift from her arm, flying in slow circles around the voyeuristic pair, then speeding off in search of more pollen. Quistis could only stare as Edea waved to them.

"Iron burns, doesn't it, my little ones? Fly faster and faster. Break your chains and fly away. You'll burn, burn, burn and then someday, you'll leave me for somebody new..."

The lid was replaced and settled with a solid _thunk, _then Edea tapped it once and turned back to Quistis. It seemed to fit securely, so that last thump seemed unnecessary. Quistis wondered if Edea struck the hive as a challenge to the queen, then dismissed the thought as silly and childish.

"Do you think she sings to them?"

The question surprised her. Confused, Quistis shook her head. "I wouldn't know, but Seifer once told me that..."

"Pity." Edea's lips pulled back in a narrow smile at the mention of Seifer. Honey and broken wax dripped from the very tips of her fingers. She held one finger to her lips, then met Quistis' eyes and loudly sucked it clean. "A pity indeed. They really are such peculiar creatures to dance without a song."

She stepped closer and dabbed the other fingertips on Quistis' lower lip, leaving a small amount of sun-warmed sugar behind. "Here. Taste."

Quistis licked the droplet of honey, fearful that if she didn't, she would soon find Edea's sugared fingers crammed down her throat.

"An entire generation is enslaved to produce that honey. Delicious, isn't it?"

_Matron has lost her mind. What the hell am I doing here?_

"It's..."

Edea didn't wait for her response. Her skirt snapped around her ankles as she collected her basket and the now-wilted flowers, then drifted off towards the house, singing once more.

"Crazy for trying..."

"And crazy for crying..."

Quistis watched her leave the garden, weaving between clusters of lavender and sage. Perplexed, but left with no other options, she followed.

* * *

The cottage looked much as it always did, though the walls seemed a bit more sound, shored up as they were with heavy gray bricks. It looked to Quistis as if the roof had been repaired recently as well. The old slates had been replaced and there was an attractive gutter system installed. Quistis wondered how much of it had been done by Cid and how much of it had been done by Seifer, as none of it had been completed the last time she visited with Selphie. Cid had great plans, of course, and talked about them constantly, but never was able to tackle anything more difficult than hanging a picture frame.

Evidence of home repairs littered the yard: a plank here, a few fence posts there, a stack of pipe just outside of the western wall. Chaotic as it seemed, Quistis could sense Seifer's particular brand of organization in the arrangement. It all seemed to say, _Do not touch. I'm fixing what you've fucked up, so don't mess with anything. _

Everything was familiar and simple. No bees, no garden, and certainly no more singing.

Sniffing at the scent of garlic wafting from the open doorway, her stomach started to growl. Just like Pops had warned her, the sea was a bitch around Centra. After the third or fourth time vomiting into a bucket, she had sworn that she would never touch food again, but the sweet scent of basil and red pepper was making her reconsider her earlier position.

She ducked into the dim kitchen, ready to head up the hall and kick off her shoes, then take a shower before getting down to business, but...

"Mind your head!"

Blinded as she was by the sudden darkness, Quistis was nearly decapitated by a whirring set of blades. She fell squarely on her ass when Edea shoved her backwards, knocking over a couple of chairs in the process.

"Hello, Quistis! Are you hungry?" Cid waved from behind a curious metal contraption, slinging spiced tomato sauce on one wall from the spoon in his hand. Burnished copper coils rose from a kettle suspended over the old-fashioned wood stove, winding over half the kitchen and eventually leading to a heavy glass bottle that was collecting a mysterious clear liquid. Cid's cheeks were so red from the heat that he appeared to Quistis to have been boiled alive. "I have sauce! Made it myself! I hope you like it hot!"

Sauce.

She nearly had her head lopped from her shoulders and he was worried about the _sauce? _

"Bum-be-dum-dum..."

The heat from the stove was nearly unbearable, but the noise from the machine and Cid's incessant humming was even worse. Occupied as he was with preparing lunch, he missed Edea's look of haggard dismay.

Quistis blinked as her eyes adjusted to the darkness. Steam rose to the ceiling with a loud hiss, causing three blades to rapidly rotate in what looked to be a poorly-rigged cooling system. They looked suspiciously like those from an outboard motor, not something that belonged in a quaint kitchen. Metal clanged and rattled, making it seem as if a very nervous knight in very rusty armor was hiding in the broom closet.

Hands over her ears, she yelped, "What the hell _is_ that thing?"

Edea shouted over the racket, "Cid has made this wonderful little machine that distills sea water, so we have a back-up system in case the well goes dry."

"What?"

"Sea water!"

"What?"

The machine gurgled, then fell silent. Edea grabbed a pot lid and hid behind it, but after a moment the hissing and moaning resumed, though one of the jointed seams had started leaking. Quistis assumed this cacophony was normal after seeing Edea sigh in relief.

Cid shoved the kettle off the heat and the noise reluctantly lessened, bubbling away to a sullen whisper. Leaning down so she could speak without screaming, Edea explained, "We had a very bad summer a couple of years ago, very dry, you see, so he went to the shed out back and constructed this..."

Quistis squinted. "This abomination?"

Edea's eyes cut to her husband, who was happily humming his little cooking song as he stirred the tomato sauce, oblivious to her displeasure. "This _clever _machine."

Quistis decided that they had very different ideas on what defined the word 'clever', but she kept her mouth closed. Judging from the way Edea's eyes narrowed, she had a feeling that someone, likely Seifer, had already argued the definition with her.

Edea helped her to her feet, then righted the chairs around the table. Quistis took a seat, her mind already spinning with ways to improve Cid's distillation apparatus. All she needed was a blow torch, a few pipes, and a free afternoon...

Edea fell into a chair next to her and massaged her temples. "Make some tea, won't you?"

Her words were clipped and short, but not harsh in the slightest. Quistis was relieved. This was the voice she recalled telling them to wash their hands for dinner, to clean the windows or wash the dishes or to stop fighting for Hyne's sake. This was her mother's voice, just Matron and nobody else, much different from that...that woman in the garden. Tea. Yes, tea was a wonderful idea. She needed something boring and mundane to remind her that she was having a perfectly normal tea with her mother instead of trying to keep madness at bay with a potion concocted from dried leaves.

Carefully avoiding the homemade fan, she moved to the cupboard that stored the cups and saucers. Choosing two that were chipped less than the others, she set them on the table and added sweet-smelling leaves to the teapot. The clatter of china on saucers was as familiar as the sound of her footsteps on the floor.

Cid already had water boiling for his wife's afternoon ritual. He moved to the table and filled the pot without a word, then returned to his sauce, humming all the while. Quistis thought she heard snatches of the song Edea was singing in the garden, but it was hard to tell. He had noticed that there were only two cups. Quistis wanted to feel guilty about excluding him, but she couldn't. Not yet.

While they waited for the tea to steep, Quistis took a long look at Matron. Her skin was far too pale to have spent all morning outdoors in the Centran sunlight. Given that her memories were so fractured, Quistis couldn't remember if those twin white streaks had always been in Edea's hair or not, but she didn't think so. She looked exhausted. And those smudges beneath her eyes. Was she sleeping? Did she have a vitamin deficiency? Was she suffering from some sort of disease? Had the witch's presence in her mind taken a greater toll on her than anyone had thought? Why were her...

Edea chuckled. "I hope I don't look all _that _old."

"I didn't say...I was just...I'm sorry, but..."

She waved off Quistis' apology. "Oh, you didn't have to _say_ anything. You have the same look on your face that Seifer did when he came home."

Quistis raised her eyebrows. "The same look?"

"You're both painfully obvious sometimes. You both could take lessons from Zell. That boy is a mystery to me." Edea cupped Quistis' face in her hands, then ran her thumbs along her cheekbones and brushed her hair to either side of her face. "Closer, darling. Let me look at you without the sun lying to me. I had to...get out of the garden."

Were those lines around those pretty blue eyes? Surely not. Quistis had always been confusing to her, very much an adult in miniature instead of a little girl. The others had grown up, but she was a woman from their first meeting, no matter how small she was.

_Hello, Quistis. It's very nice to meet you._

_It's nice to meet you too. Thank you for having me._

_My! Aren't you well-mannered!_

_Thank you, ma'am._

_I think you'll like living here. We play games and pick shells from the sand and sing and... _

_I'm not much of a singer._

_Well, I'm not either, but it's fun to sing anyway, isn't it?_

_Yes, I guess it is, ma'am._

_Would you like to meet my husband? He's making waffles for us._

_Yes ma'am._

_Then let's walk to the house and I'll introduce you to each other. _

To see her face catch up with her ancient eyes saddened Edea more than she care to admit. She was going to say as much, since she had never been able to lie to her, but a pot clattered to the stone floor before she could speak. Cid yelled an apology, but she ignored him. "You are absolutely _filthy _today_._ How long have you been walking?"

"Not all that long. Just a few hours."

"In this heat?"

"It's not that bad."

Edea squinted, halfway considering tossing Quistis into the tub like she used to do with Selphie. Of course, Quistis had always been a neat child. She had never argued about bath-time, nor had she ever tried to use moves inspired by too many nights watching ninja movies and documentaries about spiders. Edea's back ached just thinking about it. "Not that bad...look at yourself. You look like a tiger with all those streaks of sweat on your face. What on earth do you mean by coming here?"

Quistis laughed. _I'm worried, I'm scared, I'm having terrible nightmares, I can't control myself, I want my mother, I had to get away from the people that love me, I want to run, I need to talk to Seifer, I want to run, want to run, want to run..._

"I honestly have no idea, Matron."

Edea rubbed the bridge of Quistis' nose. A bit of burned skin rolled off and fell to the floor. Seifer had told her the same thing, with the same flat laughter in his voice. Both of them were terrible liars.

_And then someday..._

_You'd leave me for somebody new..._

Suddenly dizzy, Edea shook her head. The heat had gotten to her in the garden. Yes. That was all. She smiled when Quistis drew her eyebrows together in a concerned frown. "No idea, eh? Well, before you go back into the sun to find this idea you don't have, I want you to find a hat. You're going to be more wrinkled than I am if you allow yourself to get burned again."

"Yes ma'am."

Edea wanted to scream. Her eyes were too old and her voice was pleading just as it had when she was that peculiar child.

"Eat some lunch with us first, then I'll tell you a good spot to...find ideas."

* * *

Note: Song lyrics: _Crazy, _written by Willie Nelson, though made famous by Patsy Cline. I just think the lyrics work for Ultimecia/Edea in some insane way.


	7. Chapter 7

The skies above Centra were so fine and clear they seemed white. Reflections of silver fire scattered like glass on the coastal tide pools, splashing and breaking and melting into the same blinding white over and over again. It might have been pretty had it not been so painfully intense.

As the sun wheeled overhead, heating everything below in systematic progression, Seifer (or the Living Sundial, as he now thought of himself) tried to keep to the shade provided by a series of jagged boulders. A tree had once grown nearby, and when lightning from a long-ago storm struck its branches, the surrounding stones had felt the sky's wrath as well. The earth was still blackened in thin arches, twisting around the pool like tortured fingers holding a mirror. With peaks of stone rising all around him, he often felt as if he were sitting with his back to a giant crown, the last guard for a ruler long buried.

He cast his line again and waited.

A rock lizard scuttled beside him, leaving behind shallow tracks that quickly filled with sand. Seifer remained motionless and watched it sniff the air with its forked purple tongue. He was reminded of a statue he had once seen, the great stone beast all crushing jaws and powerful limbs. The scaly toes weren't as large and the jaws didn't open quite as wide, but Seifer had no doubts that his companion was just as fearsome to the prey he was stalking.

"Boo."

It fled, flashing between grass and stones before his eyes could fully register its absence. For it to be so ugly and fierce-looking, it sure was a chicken.

Looking out over the water again, feeling his eyes get heavier and heavier, he watched mosquitoes and the giant coastal dragonflies hover over the surface.

Cocky bastards.

They knew the fish weren't biting and seemed to enjoy teasing him about it.

There was still work to be done at the orphanage, but most of the major repairs were completed and the house was ready for the autumn storm season. The roof no longer leaked and the windows had been replaced, their shining new panes protected by durable aluminum shutters. Seifer felt perfectly justified in taking time for himself, yet he found that he couldn't sit still. Restless, he reeled in the line and cast again. The drowned worm fell back into the water with a faint _plunk. _

Home repairs.

Fishing.

Napping in the sun.

Bullshit.

Was he destined to do nothing but replace windows and install gutters? Go fishing every afternoon? Talk about the weather with Cid? Play cards on Saturday nights with the folks for the rest of his life?

Suddenly possessed by this frightening notion, he leaned over the edge of the pool and looked in the water to see if his face was puckering with wrinkles and age spots. Nope. He hadn't turned into an old man just yet. He lifted his chin and admired the cut of his jaw. Still as handsome as ever, for all the good it was doing him. It wasn't like women were crawling all over Centra.

_When was the last time you got laid, anyway? _

Thinking about sex was always a mistake. Thinking about sex made him think about Quistis and thinking about Quistis made him want to drive his fist through a wall. He couldn't even get relief from magazines anymore. It was like settling for a fast food burger when you were dying for prime rib. Why did she have to be so good at _everything _she attempted? She did it on purpose, always showing off to prove some crazy point that nobody would understand but her.

A dragonfly buzzed by his ear and whispered some secret in its strange buzzing language. He slapped it away and saw it dive towards the water again, zooming in mad circles as if to say "See? You're not gonna catch anything today, loser."

He snorted. Forget getting lucky. When was the last time he had even caught a goddamned fish? He had a better chance of meeting bikini models on spring break than he did catching a single perch.

Hell.

Was his life so pathetic and boring that he had just compared sex, one of his all-time favorite activities, to the one endeavor that he had never mastered? Quistis would have been cackling, the smart-ass. _Proficiency in most fields does not guarantee brilliance in any of them, Seifer. You can't be the best at everything. Consider this a lesson in humility and patience. Now watch. I'll show you how it's done._

Seifer tossed the pole down in disgust, then peeled his shirt off. Heavy with sweat, it adhered to his cheeks and throat, hugging his face and briefly trapping him in a thin cotton dungeon. He growled and tried to rip the fabric, but it held fast. Stumbling and muttering, he finally freed himself and threw the shirt as far as he could.

"Fucking clothes."

His boots and shorts followed, landing in the dust near his shirt. A lifetime of military training made him want to run to the pile and neatly fold every piece, like a good soldier should, but Seifer had never been very good at doing what he should. It was the sort of thing Quistis might do. He was willing to bet that even her panties had creases from being steam-pressed and folded into iron-tight squares.

"Stupid heat."

He took a dozen paces backwards, then dashed forward and leapt into the pool. He wanted the water to be ice cold, to steal his breath and leave him gasping, but it was simply... cool. The shock wasn't there and he was disappointed. He hated it. He hated Centra. Apathy was threatening to throttle him, but the noose had been tightened so gradually that he wasn't aware that the rope was even around his neck. That's what pissed him off the most.

The insects that had earlier mocked him scattered in fear. Seifer splashed and slapped the surface, daring them to return. When they didn't, he began swimming. His arms sliced through the water, each stroke carrying him farther from the shore. Slow circles, lazy crooked paths, then straight lines toward the opposite shore. It didn't really matter. He knew he was confined by the pool, but the movement helped.

When he finally swam so that his shoulders were burning and his arms felt heavy, he took a deep breath and dove into the water. He drifted down until the world darkened around him and stars swirled in his vision, then shot back up and shook the salt from his hair.

Again and again he descended as far as his lungs would allow, then swam to the surface when his body cried out for oxygen. When he tired of this, he floated on his back, blinded by the sun and the even harsher reflection of its light that shimmered all around him.

Hungry, horny, bored. He could swim all day, but in the end he knew he'd just have to add exhausted to his list of complaints.

Another dragonfly hovered over his bare thigh. Those tiny iridescent wings fanned his skin, beating so quickly that he couldn't see them move. They were pretty little fuckers.

He wondered if they could bite.

* * *

Damned mosquitoes.

Quistis slapped her neck for what felt like the thousandth time since leaving the house. The straw hat Edea had lent to her was great for keeping the sunlight off her face, but it was useless for warding off the mosquitoes. Their droning bored into her skull. Constant, heavy. Incessant. Had it not been for the stings, she might have grown drowsy, hypnotized by the constant humming. Edea had been worried about the sun, but she should have been worried that the blood suckers might lift her from the ground and fly her to Esthar. The bastards were _huge_.

_Slap!_

Quistis pulled her hand back, grimacing when she felt the insect's legs twitch against her fingers. Her hand was sticky with her own blood, which was bad enough, but feeling those...legs. Ugh. She would let Seifer have it when she found him, dragging her out to the middle of nowhere just to be gnawed on by giant winged vampires with skinny legs. He wasn't worth all this.

_He likes to fish when he wants to be left alone, though I think he's been doing it a bit too much lately. It's almost like trying to talk to Squall, sometimes. Try the eastern beach. I know he always has good luck there. _

The eastern beach. Right. There was nothing there but sand and water. It was far too dull there for Seifer Almasy.

_Slap!_

Disgusting.

She knew exactly the spot that he would be found. He had always thought himself so clever, running off to his secret place whenever he lost patience with his broken little family, but she had always known where to find him. He really wasn't that difficult to figure out.

She bit her lip.

_Except when he is. Then he's just infuriating. And this is the longest walk in history. Why does he have to be so difficult? I wouldn't be surprised to find that he's bred these mutant mosquitoes in some seaside laboratory just to torment me today. _

Stones and sand crunched beneath her feet. She marched on, trying to ignore the parasites. Some of her preparations seemed silly now, like traveling with a guardian spirit and forgetting to pack insect repellant, but she was glad that she had worn her boots. Heavy and solid, they had been her most trustworthy companions for years. Xu often teased her, saying that every wrinkle she wore into the leather would one day be reflected in her pretty face, but Quistis liked her boots. She'd like them even more when she got to take them off, but with sun-baked earth heating the soles, she wasn't going to complain.

Well, not much, anyway.

Certainly not to herself.

She planned on complaining loudly as soon as she found him, though.

What was Xu up to? Had she found the letter yet? Would she leave her school to find her? She pleaded with her for understanding, begging her for the chance to find out why she was being plagued with headaches and nightmares. Would Xu let her go long enough for that?

Were her students enjoying their break? Had they studied? Some of them were very bright, bored with the lectures and exams. Would they enjoy a field trip to visit the ruins next term?

How was Rinoa? For that matter, how was Squall? He had seemed happier than she had ever seen him the last time they met for dinner. Stability suited him. It suited Rinoa as well. They had a happy life. But how long could it last?

Would Edea be able to help her? She had so many questions. Could she tell her what she needed so badly to know?

What was Seifer going to say when she found him? Would he tell her to fuck off, as he had countless times before? She hoped so. She didn't want to explain to him that she hadn't come to Centra for him, as much as she wished that were the case.

_I really hate you sometimes._

_Yeah, but you'll get over it once you finally figure out how to stop being such a pompous bitch. _

Goddamnit, why did he have to _do_ that? Probing, seeking, dissecting her. No answer was ever good enough for him. Never content with simply pricking her, he would twist his blade and smile when she writhed against his questions. Could she deal with that again, knowing that he knew her so well? Knowing that she was running to his secret area because she _missed_ him? He'd never let her live it down.

Lost in these musings, the pools were upon her before she noticed. _He_ was on her before she noticed. She dropped to the ground and peered at him from behind a weathered stone. Had he heard her? No. He was cursing too loudly to hear anything. Had he seen her? Hm. Not likely. She was forty feet from him and hidden by stones and scraggly trees. Plus, he was struggling with his t-shirt, bellowing about cotton being a clingy bastard. Now the great idiot was tearing his clothes off. Was he mad? The mosquitoes would eat him alive.

_Okay, so he does look delicious with that tan, but still. He's insane for...what the hell is he doing now?_

He landed in the water with a splash. Quistis found that she was holding her breath until he emerged again. She had never been a strong swimmer and feared water. A swimming pool was one thing, where the bottom was flat and visible, the water clean and chlorinated, but the sea? A river? Leviathan was far too capricious for her to trust the ocean.

He was swimming now. She sat on the stone and admired him. He seemed at ease in the water, slipping through the glassy surface with a confidence that was wholly different from his usual cocky strut. It was odd to see him when he wasn't trying to impress anyone. She considered leaving so that he wouldn't be interrupted, but her desire to speak with him outweighed any concern she had for his welfare.

Reaching into her bag, she produced her book and spread it on her knees. As with anything else, patience was complemented with study, and study with patience. Her study of Seifer could resume when he finished his swim.

Until then, she had work to do.

* * *

_I could fix a sandwich. _

_I think there's some cheese in the fridge. _

_No, that won't work. It's hairier than Raijin's ass. _

_There's some rice in the pantry, but I don't want to have my dick cut off by that damned machine in the kitchen. _

_Apple? No, not enough._

_Soup? No, I ate that this morning. _

_Foie gras? Wait a second. Why do I even know what that is? _

He might have kept swimming all afternoon, but the sun was beginning its descent and Seifer was hungry. He was still angry about not catching any fish, but he was too tired to care that much about it anymore. Food of any sort was a bigger priority than even his pride. Lazily kicking in circles, he noticed a strange tint to his right, not far from the shore.

_What the hell is that? Why is the water pink over there?_

Seifer swam toward the shore and looked into the water. It wasn't pink now that he was closer. It must have just been a reflection from the rocks. Tall blades of sea grass waved and flirted with him, occasionally parting long enough for him to see dozens of white shells scattered on the floor.

Scallops.

Seafood was back on the menu.

He took a deep breath and ducked beneath the surface, scooping up as many as his hands would hold. He kicked back to the shore and dropped them on the bank, then turned around for more. A couple dozen of those, some bread, some beer, Quistis reading a book, maybe some hot sauce and...

_Pfft!_

Seifer dropped the last handful of scallops and pulled himself out of the water, spitting salty spray onto the bank.

Quistis.

Here.

Of all places.

That bitch.

What the hell was she thinking?

"_You_!"

Quistis adjusted her glasses, seemingly oblivious to the fact that a naked man was quickly approaching her with something akin to murder in his eyes.

Seifer stood over her, dripping water onto the pages of her book. She calmly wiped the drops away, finally looking at his face. He was every bit as intimidating as he had been the last time she saw him, but she'd be damned before she let him see that. After such a long time and he couldn't even say hello? Fine. She could play his game.

"You're blocking the light. Could you please stand to the side?"

Was she serious? She was sitting in the middle of nowhere like some queen on a fucking picnic on a jolly summer's day, reading that goddamned book and all she could say was that he was blocking the light?

Quistis swept her hand over her book and around, encompassing the entire area in a single gesture. Carefully, deliberately, never taking her eyes from his, she asked, "It's very quiet here. I can understand why it appeals to you so much. Do you still call this place the Queen's Mirror?"

"What are you talking about?"

Memories bubbled and spilled over some days, rushing out of her like soda from a shaken bottle, but on other days she couldn't remember her favorite color or song. Seifer had the same training, knew the process and the demands it made on both body and mind, but he never junctioned to the extent that she did. The very idea was repulsive to him. His ego had never allowed him to rely on anyone or anything else to be the best. Had he simply forgotten? She held the corners of the pages against her thumb, flipping them like a deck of cards.

_Will you stop crying? I don't like it._

_Leave me alone. _

_You never cry._

_I never need to._

_What's wrong with your eyes? They're all red. _

_No! Don't touch me!_

_It's just a wet towel. Stop being such a baby._

_It hurts. _

_Well, cryin' won't make it stop hurtin'. Besides, it makes you ugly. You get all puffy. I like you better when you're not puffy and cryin' like Zell. _

_Why are you so mean?_

_Why are you so easy to be mean to?_

_I'm...I'm not..._

_Don't start that again. Look, if I tell you a story, will you quit this?_

_I don't know._

_Well, try anyway. Okay, so I was explorin' one day and I found this really neat place..._

It had been a monumental admission. Seifer never volunteered information to a foe, no matter that he was being merciful. "You don't remember?"

Seifer looked along the bank for his clothes. Had she hidden them?

"I don't remember a lot of things, Instructor. Now what did you do with my clothes?"

Seifer missed the way Quistis' nostrils flared, the look of pain on her face. He also missed the way she slowly closed her book and stood from her seat.

What he didn't miss was her fist connecting with his jaw.

"Ow!"

Her hand was raised for another blow, but he wrenched her arm behind her back and pulled.

Hard.

She hissed, but said nothing. He stepped closer, not to whisper sweet nothings in her ear, but to prevent her from kicking backwards and shattering his kneecaps. Those boots of hers looked like sledgehammers.

Held against him as she was, with her forearm parallel to her spine, he could easily dislocate her shoulder. It was a weak joint, designed for mobility instead of strength. One good tug and she'd have to put her arm in a sling. Both of them knew it.

He popped his jaw. She had a mean right hook and he knew he would feel her fist on his chin for a few days. "Why the fuck did you hit me?"

"Because you're an asshole. You're a cold, unfeeling bastard."

So matter of fact. She insulted him like she was pointing out the medulla oblongata on some fucking diagram.

_Class, why is Seifer abnormally aggressive?_

_Because he has an enlarged medulla oblongata._

_Very good, class! Now! Given that he operates on a far more primitive level than any of us, what's the best way to deal with him?_

_A leash and a collar, Instructor. Animals belong in cages._

_Excellent!_

She could smell salt on his skin. He was obnoxiously close. His breath on her throat irritated the red welts from the mosquito bites.

"Did you learn that from that book of yours?"

He could feel the panic in her body, saw how the tendons in her neck tensed as she glanced at her book.

"Why don't you tell me why you're here, dearest Instructor?"

Quistis was quick, but Seifer had longer arms, better reach. They both moved like snakes, striking the same target, but he was faster. He snatched her book from the ground and held it far above her, grinning when she failed to reach it.

"Tell me... or I'll throw this fucker to the fish."

"Don't you _dare_."

His grin widened. He hadn't had this much fun in months.

"Then give me my clothes."

Quistis knew he was baiting her, but she didn't give a damn. "Give me that book."

"My clothes."

"My book."

"Give me my...fuck!"

After one particularly exasperating class period, she had vowed that she would make him listen to her, no matter how it hurt him (or her, for that matter), and she had never forgotten her promise. Now, with his earlobe firmly caught between her thumb and forefinger, she meant for him to hear every word she had to say.

"That book means more to me than your very_ life_, Almasy. I'll have it back and I'll have it back this very instant."

"Let go!"

Raijin once joked that it would be hot to see Quistis in full-on dominatrix mode. The entire fourth year class wondered when it would come out that she was a closet domme, and many had placed bets. Seifer had agreed, though Fujin simply chuckled at both of them. When asked why she was laughing, she said nothing. She just returned her lunch tray to the window and left for her next class.

He understood why she was laughing at them now.

"Damn it, Trepe! Let go of me!"

"Not until you..."

"Until I _what?"_

Low and lethal. That was the Seifer she knew. That was the Seifer that was familiar. That was the Seifer that made her want to beat him with a nail bat. She pulled harder on his ear, relishing his fumbled protestations, his almost choked curses.

How the fuck did she _do_ that? It was just one tiny flap of skin. He had been shot and stabbed and mercilessly beaten. Why was it that he couldn't stand a single pinch? "You're supposed to be in Balamb. What the hell are you doing here?"

"Currently?" Not one to yield when she had the advantage, she stood on his toes and used every pound of pressure on his bare feet that her body could produce. "It appears that I'm kicking your ass."

Seifer wondered why it was considered improper for women to get slugged in the mouth. Whoever had invented that rule had obviously never tangled with Instructor Goddamned Trepe.

Who the hell did she think she was?

"You're not kicking my...ow! You're just stomping on me with those skis attached to your ankles and...damn it, let go of my ear!"

Squirming free, red-faced and panting, Seifer held his ear as if he were holding an infant to his chest. He looked at his palm, shocked to see that his ear hadn't detached itself, then tackled Quistis and wrestled her to the ground.

She beat against him until he forced her hands to her sides. The indignity of it riled her more than being tossed about like a sack of potatoes. He was _smiling_, the bastard. "Take your hands off me!"

He held her, not without dryly remarking to himself that he would have been very pleased indeed to have her writhing underneath him a few hours ago. The reality of being in contact with her was often far different from daydreams. He had learned that in school, then again during the war, and once again when they both had nothing left to lose.

What was wrong with him?

"Give me my clothes."

Her glasses were bent. She wrinkled her nose in an attempt to correct them, then coolly stated, "I want my book. And you're going to give it to me."

He thought that the thigh sliding against his might be an overture for peace. When that warm touch disappeared, he briefly thought she might have been trying to reposition herself. They had fucked before and it had been great. She liked a little conflict, after all, and it had been a very long time since he...

"Oof!"

She rolled away when he curled into a ball, cursing every deity that existed and inventing some new ones.

"Holy fucking horned Hyne in space, you goddamned cunt..."

"My book. _I want it_."

How she did it, he would never know. He had her on the ground one second, then the next she had his ear again and she was trying to prove that one's balls really_ could_ be drawn up through one's ears.

"Ow, ow, ow, ow! You're twisting it!"

It was the wrong thing to say. She twisted so hard that he felt the cartilage at the base of his ear pop over her knuckles.

"Give me my book or I'll twist more than your ear, Almasy."

"Damn it. Enough!"

Heaving upwards, he shook her off and handed the book back to her. She clutched it to her chest. He cocked his head, forgetting that his ear was on fire. Trepe acting desperate? What the hell was so fucking important?

"Where are my clothes?"

Quistis glared at him, narrow-eyed, suspicious. "Why do you need them?"

Seifer pumped his hips to demonstrate his point.

Noticing that he had no tan-line, Quistis rolled her eyes and growled, " From the looks of it, you never wear them anyway."

Seifer cocked one amused eyebrow. He would have gladly sacrificed a dozen ears to that damned harpy if she would look at him with such appreciation while she feasted on his flesh. "Here for ten minutes and you're already checking out my ass?"

A shadow passed over her face. Whatever she had been a few moments ago, scared girl, grappling fighter, seductress, she was now that same old boring old teacher. "Simply making an observation. Given that I've already been impressed by the scenery, the only other options were to look at your ass or look at your face, though I don't see much of a difference either way."

Seifer looked down and nodded in very sincere agreement. "I can't argue that. Both are very nice."

She wanted to laugh. He was so damned...

His ear was bleeding, he was stark naked, and he was smiling at her like he had just won a thousand gil at some Galbadian boxing match. She couldn't help but return his grin. Packing her book back into her satchel, she said, "Your clothes are where you left them, Seifer. You exited the water on the opposite side from which you entered it."

He blinked.

"How long have you been watching me?"

"Long enough to know that you're a terrible angler. I think your hook spent more time in the air than it did in the water."

And at that, she began walking back to the orphanage. The sun was setting and it was a three hour hike. Whatever Centran beasts she had been lucky to miss would soon be sniffing at her heels. She didn't fancy a fight with anything else that day. Seifer had worn her out.

"Hey! Where are you going?"

"I'm going for a walk."

"The hell you are." He ran behind her and caught her wrist. "What are you doing here?"

"Isn't it obvious? I'm being stalked by a rather damp exhibitionist."

"Funny."

She jerked her head to the opposite shore. "You forgot your clothes."

"Tell me."

Insistent bastard. "It's none of your concern."

"It's my concern when you won't leave me the hell alone."

That stung. Quistis wanted to tell him, but she wasn't sure herself. Things would have been easier if she had known what she was looking for in the first place. "If you haven't noticed, I was leaving. You're the one following _me._"

His grip tightened. "You know what the fuck I mean."

"I need to talk to Edea."

"Edea?"

"Yes. I'm here to ask a few questions and straighten some things out for myself. You being here is nothing more than an unfortunate coincidence."

The sun played along the shore, dusting every stone, pebble, and shell with a warm hazy rose. Quistis pointed to the long-forgotten pile of scallops.

"Are those for dinner?"

Still reeling from her appearance, Seifer looked at his catch without seeing anything. "What?"

"The scallops. I'm very fond of them."

"The scall..." Months had passed without a word. She was living the life she should have been fucking living for years, and now she was right back with him? In the bottom of nowhere? "The fucking scall..."

"What are you...?" Quistis had never seen such intensity in his gaze. She wasn't sure if he meant to fuck her or kill her. Either way, his eyes promised something very, very personal. He swept her into his arms, still staring at her with that same look of longing. Holding her against his chest, he stepped closer and closer to the water.

"Seifer?"

"Yes?"

He leaned back, took a breath...

_"What the hell are you doing?"_

"You said you wanted scallops."

...and tossed her into the pool.

"Not like_ thiiiiiiis!"_


	8. Chapter 8

"...then she jumped from the roof and bit him."

Quistis had never before had a hero, but after being regaled with the Adventures of Selphie Tilmitt, Fairy Warrior, she _knew_ that she had to get Selphie's autograph.

Dinner was exceptional. Being cast into the very bowels of insanity had done nothing to dull Edea's cleverness in the kitchen. Seared scallops, heavy with herbed butter and pepper, a crisp salad of sweet and bitter greens from the garden, even a fragrant honey beer brewed with cinnamon and vanilla. Necessity was the mother of invention, if one believed the old saying, and Edea was clear evidence of that. Nothing more than a garden and a lot of free time had the four of them bent over their plates like they were paying homage to a goddess. There might have been a collective sigh at the table, except for the fact that Quistis ate so quickly that she was going back for seconds while the others were still eating their salads.

When Cid hoisted the small keg onto the table, grinning at everyone like the jolly elf in the holiday cards, Edea told them that she had been saving their homebrew for a special occasion. Freshly caught scallops were reason enough, she whispered to Quistis, but she didn't want Seifer to think that he could expect the same every time he left the house. She would only serve it if he brought home a fine catch, like he did earlier.

Quistis didn't miss the way Seifer rolled his eyes. His t-shirt had been stretched by the weight of the scallops they had carried between them and he was still grumbling about it. She doubted that he even caught the compliment Edea had given her.

Then again, he was a pitiful fisherman. It was only to be expected.

"And she had wings?"

Cid began clearing the plates while Edea continued her tale. She could make the heavens pour fire or the seas swallow entire nations, so wondrous were her story-telling skills, but on this night she was simply describing events that she had witnessed on a fine summer's day many years ago. The only people that could truly weave this tale were Selphie herself and the brooding fellow staring at Quistis. "Of course she did. She said they were fairy wings, but they looked to me like she had plucked them from a giant pink bat."

Seifer poured another glass of beer. Thick and sweet, it hissed as he lifted it to his mouth. He took a long pull and frowned. Edea was getting the story all wrong. It hadn't happened like that at all.

"Demon wings, more like it."

Edea waved him off. "I tried to help him when he came running to the house, bleeding everywhere, but that wasn't good enough."

He wouldn't stop staring at her. It wasn't enough that he tried to drown her. He was trying to will her to death with his eyes just because he couldn't drown anyone properly. Quistis returned the stare, lamenting the fact that she couldn't execute Seifer over dessert. Even in a wild place like Centra, such behavior was frowned upon.

"He had to have you. Do you remember that?"

Quistis blinked and instantly regretted it. The battle had been lost before it began. Seifer lifted his beer in a silent gesture of triumph, the victor of another war with his favorite enemy. It might have seemed a hollow victory had his opponent been anyone else, but Quistis hated to lose just as much as he did, especially at something as juvenile as a staring contest. It was beneath her and he loved it.

"No, I can't say that I do."

Cid wiped the crumbs from the table and kissed Edea on the top of her head. His hands were much different, calloused and rough. Quistis was surprised to see that he was thinner as well. It made perfect sense given that he wasn't sitting at a desk all day, but it was surprising nonetheless. He pretended to not see her look of confusion. Seifer had done the same thing, though he was far more vocal about his impressions. "I'm not surprised. You had to bandage more cuts and scrapes than..."

"And devil fairy bites."

"Watch your language, Seifer." Edea's eyes flashed. She was fiercely protective of all her children, though she leaned closer to Quistis and mischievously mumbled, "And yes, devil fairy bites. You were the one he always ran to when he had hurt himself."

"I didn't hurt myself. That maniac attacked me with those glow-in-the-dark fangs of hers."

Cid was laughing as he carried the stack of plates to the sink. They heard the rush of water and the odd submerged clink of ceramic plates beneath the suds.

"She _bit_ me."

Edea looked at Quistis. Quistis looked at Edea. By some unspoken agreement, they agreed that laughing at poor Seifer would be a bad idea. It would likely hurt his feelings and bruise his fragile ego.

They were doing so well until he rubbed his throat in the exact spot where Selphie had once tried to drink his blood. Their cackles were so loud that they were surely heard in Dollet.

Quistis' eyes were watering by the time she caught her breath. "Oh, come on. I'm sure you deserved it. You weren't exactly a saint, you know."

And there she went again, taking the side of her little cast of misfits. Seifer finished his beer and went back for yet another. It might have tasted like something he could have gotten at a medieval fair, and it might not taste like real beer, but damn, it was good. It almost made up for the fact that Quistis was trying her damnedest to embarrass him. "I never bit anyone."

"You did too. You've bitten me before."

"You asked for it."

"I did not."

She was almost too easy sometimes. He downed half of the glass, smacking his lips loudly, then leaned back in his chair and glanced underneath the table. "You mean that scar has faded on your inner..."

Quistis smiled sweetly at Edea and prayed that she failed to notice how her boot was connecting with Seifer's shins. Edea was smoothing a crease on her skirt, either completely oblivious or trying very hard to make it appear that she missed the entire exchange. "Shut up..."

Wiping his hands, Cid came back to the table and refilled everyone's glasses. Noticing that Quistis had barely sipped hers, he kindly asked, "Not drinking with the rest of us?"

Seifer muttered "She hates beer." just as Quistis declined with a polite "No, thank you."

"Well, it's technically mead, but..." Cid pushed her glass to Seifer and sat next to him. If the others had been home, it would have been perfect. There was something comforting about the squabbling, though there was also a quiver of guilt behind that comfort. He should have known that about one of his own children. "So what were you guys talking about?"

Edea reached across the table and patted his hand. "Just old stories, dear. We were trying to decide if those wings of Selphie's belonged to a bat or a fairy."

"Fairy? I thought she was an alligator. She had those green teeth, as I recall. I had to hide them from her in my sock drawer."

"No, darling."

"That girl. Heh. There were times I wondered about her." He nodded to Quistis. "We never had any problems from you or Squall. Irvine was pretty well-behaved as well. Zell cried a lot, but we just had to give him some ice cream and everything was fine again. It was always Selphie and Seifer here that caused us so much worry."

Seifer shifted in his chair. He would have gone straight to bed if he had known that he was going to be the topic of everyone's conversation. Why weren't they bombarding Quistis with questions about that damned school? It was their baby, wasn't it? Did retirement mean that they just didn't give a fuck anymore? Why weren't they asking about precious Squally and Mrs. Future Psycho? Shouldn't they have been asking why Quistis wasn't knocked up with Xu's rubber baby?

Belching slightly and in a fine mood, Cid rested his hands on his belly and began to reminisce. "Remember that time he ran off and I had to chase him down in that old rusted..."

Edea's smile might have curdled milk. "I remember very well."

Cid drummed his fingertips over his shirt. Wrong thing to say, especially on one of her good days. "Um...Well, I think I'll turn in. Long day and all that."

Edea said nothing.

"Are you coming?"

"I've a few things to tend to."

The floorboards that he and Seifer had installed over the stone floors creaked under his weight. Edea watched him go, her eyes following him like a mother cat suddenly wary of a roaming tom.

"Would you two mind cleaning up? I'm suddenly very tired."

Quistis felt Seifer stiffen, though he lounged in his chair as if nothing had happened. The table was spotless. "Of course not."

"Thank you, Quistis."

Edea gathered her skirt and picked at the hem as she walked to the living room, humming to herself. They watched her leave in silence, only looking at each other when they heard her settle into the old green couch.

Seifer passed his glass to Quistis, pointing to the keg when she curled her lip. "I'm not offering you a drink. I know you hate this shit."

"Then why are you...oh." She filled his glass again and sniffed the pretty amber liquid. "Haven't you had enough?"

"Not nearly enough. I can still only see one of you. I'm hoping to see double sometime really soon. Maybe I can convince your twin to suck my cock."

"Funny. Really funny."

It was getting close to midnight, but even as exhausted as she was, Quistis knew she wouldn't be able to sleep. She could feel one of her nightmares coming on, footsteps in the darkness and whispers in her ear. They had been increasing lately, fueling this sense of urgency, the desire to run. Rubbing her eyes, she looked across the table and asked Seifer, "Don't have your cards on you, do you?"

* * *

"Your turn."

The sunburn suited her, he decided. The skin flaking off her nose was kind of nasty, the ointment she smeared on her face made her look like she was sweating, and she would undoubtedly have a faint smattering of freckles when the burn healed. She looked younger, less of a bitch and more of that girl that used to help him catch frogs.

"Hey. Your turn."

Quistis was nervous. Had her opponent been Xu or Zell or anyone else, she wouldn't have worried, but Seifer didn't play like a gentleman. She agreed to the random rule before thinking it through, and now she only one card left to play.

"Yes, yes. I know."

She laid her beloved Gilgamesh next to one of Seifer's Propagator cards. Was she sure? She held her finger on the card, carefully checking every possible combination. Thankfully they had agreed against the elemental rule. His Shiva might have given her some trouble, but as the board was set up, she felt safe.

"Ooh,..."

Why was he smiling? Why the hell was he smiling?

"Wait... Seifer, what are you going to..."

_Fuck me running, where did he get an Odin card?_

"Bad move, Instructor."

Seifer held the edge of his card against his lower lip, relishing the defeat that he was getting ready to hand to her. He wanted to savor every second of it, from her horrified stare to her shaking hands. Her eyes had never seemed so blue before. If losing made her look _that_ damned good, then he fully intended on kicking her ass at every competition he possibly could.

"I didn't even want to play the random rule!"

She never wanted to play the random rule. That would take far too much control out of her hands and prevent her from plotting every possible scenario. She was good, but she was good because she made it that way.

"Sucks to be you in that case." He placed his card next to hers, admiring the effect that his somber dark knight had against her gaily-garbed adventurer. "I think that's my match and I think that I will take..."

Game now over, he was free to choose his prize and oh, how he wanted that ugly-ass card. Rising from his seat, he circled the table, once, twice, then stood behind Quistis and looked over her shoulder. She could smell the alcohol on his breath when he leaned closer.

"Don't you even think of..."

Fingers dancing over her deck, first one, then the next, Seifer meant to prolong her agony, but found that he couldn't do it. He wanted that card too much. Selecting the Gilgamesh card, he held it over his head and propped his foot on Quistis' thigh, the mighty dragon slain and the warrior triumphant. He wanted a camera. This was the most glorious moment of his entire life.

Quistis pinched the hair on his calf and yanked it free.

"I've had that card for years."

He laughed merrily and waved it in front of her lips. He knew exactly how long she had it and how much she cherished it.

"Then I'll let you kiss it goodbye."

Jerk.

"Fine. Take the damned thing." She wouldn't give him the satisfaction of seeing her disappointment. It was nothing. It wasn't a Club match, so it didn't affect her ranking, but it was still her first loss in years. In the grand scheme of things, it wasn't important, but damn it, why did it have to be _him_? He would rub this in her face every day for the rest of his life...

"Thank you, I think I will."

...which might not be very long if he kept grinning like that.

"Asshole."

The grin vanished.

"What was that?"

Quistis was gathering her remaining cards, carefully stacking them together so that their edges aligned precisely with one another. She would slip them into their custom-made brass box, then into their plush velvet bag, and then she could pretend that Seifer wasn't next to her being all...himself.

"You heard me."

He slipped the card in his pocket and promptly forgot about it, then knocked the deck out of her hand and spun her chair around to face him.

"Alright, Trepe. What the fuck is your deal?"

She pushed him back and stood as well, hating once again the fact that he was so much taller than her.

"_My_ deal?"

"Yeah. Your deal." Haughty and bitchy and completely full of shit. She was trying to slip into that damned teacher mode again. "What do you want from me?"

"I don't want anything from you."

"Bullshit."

Self-absorbed bastard.

"Why can't you believe that I'm here just to..."

He pushed her back down and forced his foot between her knees so that she couldn't stand again without her chest meeting his knee. If he had to trap her again just to get her to talk to him, then so be it.

"Don't play the Lady of Wounded Pride Manor. I know better than that."

Frustrated, Quistis pulled the elastic band from her hair and shook it free. It was still damp from her shower. She briefly considered snapping it around Seifer's throat, but decided that she didn't want to drag his body out back and bury him.

"You know, I really don't understand you. I try to be polite and you turn into the same sarcastic jerk that..."

Snatching the band from her hands, he wrapped it around his wrist. With nothing left to distract her, she had to look at him. Evasion and diversion. She was an expert at tactics, but when faced with something she couldn't evade, she collapsed.

"There you go again. You aren't a polite person. Stop that shit."

"Like you would know anything about being polite."

He had to give her credit. She had the most attractive sneer he had ever seen.

"I know a hell of a lot more about it than you do. You're the one that salutes because you're told to do it, not because you actually give a damn about showing respect. You just know that smiling and being pretty and using the right fucking fork at dinner will get you what you want with the least amount of effort. I'll give you points for efficiency, but you..."

She wanted to slap him. He must have sensed it because he held her wrists to her sides.

"Just because you're a rude, narcissistic, self-serving bastard doesn't mean that I have to behave in a similar..."

"Narcissistic? Self-serving?"

Seifer could feel the heat of her sun-burned skin against his palm. It contrasted with the cool flesh on the underside of her wrist, where his fingertips met. She must have passed out on her back to be burned on only one side. She looked miserable. The walk to find him likely exacerbated her burn. He almost felt guilty for holding her.

"Among other things."

Not that guilty, though.

"Well, we can't all be vain, glory-seeking, attention-starved whores that will _smile politely _at anyone that gives them a second's notice."

Quistis violently shoved the chair backwards, causing both of them to stagger against each other until they found their balance.

"I can't believe I came all this way just to listen to your bullshit. I should have known that you ..."

Seifer laughed. "Honey, this ain't Garden and I ain't your fanboy. You and I both know that didn't come here to have someone worship you."

And with that, he dropped her wrists and went to bed.

* * *

"I take it Seifer lost interest in the game."

Quistis flopped into Cid's favorite chair and covered her face with her hands.

"You might say that."

Edea didn't stop reading.

"Or I might say that he just handed you your first defeat in quite some time?"

Fantastic. First Seifer, now Edea. Was the entire world bent on making her miserable?

"You...might."

Edea grunted and continued her reading.

_The red serpent shall be crushed..._

She turned the page.

_He carried her for a hundred years and a day, 'til her eyes turned as gold as her voice, and he wept to see that he was too late..._

Again.

_In the beginning, there was Void..._

Again.

_And her voice brought about the fourth birth, and there was much sorrow in her song, for she bore the blood of her blood and he would be the traitor foretold to her..._

Again.

Again.

Again.

It was fascinating material, reminiscent of the stories her grandmother used to tell her, though each of the sections were clearly parts of much larger works. Whoever had bound the book had been a novice, likely more interested in arranging the illustrations instead of ordering the narrative. It looked very pretty, but it made little sense.

"Gave you a bit of a challenge, did he?"

"Challenge? He cheated."

Edea finally looked up. Her eyes were briefly vacant as she returned from the land of fairy tales and songs. She was there and not there and it had nothing to do with the period of possession. These tales were older than sorceresses. "Cheated? Seifer? I find that very hard to believe."

A pout was dangerously close to forming, so Quistis bit her lower lip until she had it under control. Seifer hadn't cheated at all. He had won fairly, which stung more than it would if he _had _cheated. She had been beaten and she hated it. "Well, he distracted me."

Edea was searching through the pages, trying to find the easiest place to split the binding. She stepped into the kitchen and retrieved a short-bladed knife, then sat down again and started picking at the ancient cords. "How so?"

"He was looking at me." It sounded ridiculous and she knew it.

The first string snapped and Edea pulled it away. The cores of the bindings were solid enough, but a fine dust formed on the pages where the outer fibers disintegrated. She blew the dust away and began on the next. "Oh my. Dreadful thing, that. I do so _hate _to have someone handsome admire me. Unbearable, really."

"He wasn't admiring me." Admiration didn't have a thing to do with it. He was just staring at her to try to force her into a mistake, just as he had since they were children. Mumbling through her fingers, she tried to make her mother understand what it was like trying to speak to Seifer. "He was trying to pin me to the wall."

Another thread snapped, but Edea had to turn a few dozen pages to reach the next set of laces. These were a cheaper material, thin and wispy. It was a wonder that they hadn't broken long before now. The previous scholar must have died and his apprentice taken up the work. Edea pitied the original bookbinder. Where his work ended was where the chaos began. His student didn't have his patience and every clumsy page reflected his haste. "It's the same thing with him. You should know that by now."

"I should know a lot of things by now, but I always seem to..." Quistis moved her hands and saw Edea tearing her book into pieces. She stumbled to the couch and grasped handfuls of loose pages. "What are you doing to my book?"

What on earth was the matter with her? Wasn't it clear that she was making sense from madness?

"You foolish girl, can't you see that I'm repairing it?"

Tears splattered and were quickly absorbed on the dry leather cover. Quistis made no attempt to hide the fact that she was weeping. That book held everything, if only she could somehow figure out what information was hidden within its pages.

"Get out of the floor."

Sharp. Authoritative. Demure and kind, almost disturbingly soft-spoken, it was sometimes easy to forget that Edea had once commanded armies. The soldier in Quistis moved before she thought, rising to her feet and clasping her hands behind her back.

"Now open your eyes and look."

The only pages with any damage were those that Quistis had clutched in her fingers. The others were in neat stacks arranged in an even neater semi-circle around Edea's feet. Separated as they were, Quistis noted that some of them appeared to be made of vellum, others of nearly transparent parchment, and others still that appeared to have been rolled at some point. Through her readings she had been so concerned with the translations that she never bothered looking at the book itself.

"I'm arranging it according to what is being told. There are hundreds of stories in here."

Of course she was. It wasn't a single book. It was a collection bound in one leather casing. Quistis had never felt so foolish.

"You can read this?"

Slightly confused, Edea answered, "Of course I can."

Dinner tried to climb back into her mouth. Quistis swallowed hard and pushed the pages she held into Edea's hands. "What does it say?"

"Begging for a bedtime story?"

_Double, double, toil and trouble..._

"Not at all the same girl you used to be, are you? 'Let me do it! I'll do a great job! Let me show you!' Sound familiar?"

_They were once many and fierce, and they split the earth and ravished her..._

"Vaguely."

Edea patted the seat next to her. "Here. Sit with me for a bit. Tell me about this book."

Quistis opened her mouth and promptly shut it again. The construction was making it impossible to read in her room, so she had wandered to the opposite side of campus to find some peace in the library. And as usual, she was instantly pestered by hordes of students. She smiled and chatted with them, but soon lost patience and ducked into the stacks, leaving her students to wonder where she went.

"I found it in the library, but I can't read some of the text, so I..."

Edea chuckled. "I thought libraries were just giant computer rooms now. You mean they still have books?"

"Well, sometimes we need them to prop up crooked desks, Matron."

Little brainy Quistis. Edea worried about her children for various reasons. Zell would likely end up hospitalized because of some strange food-borne parasite he ingested during one of his eating contests, Irvine would have his heart broken by the girl that got away, Selphie would likely be that girl, but getting away would mean that she would end up in prison for blowing up a taco stand for not having her favorite hot sauce. Squall and Seifer were too cautious for true concern, but that in itself was worrying. Their insistence on building such huge walls between them and the world was frightening at times, though lately she had been able to relax when it came to them. Squall was being force-fed everything he had ever missed by Rinoa, and Seifer was close enough to be carefully monitored. She feared that Quistis would prove to be the problem child. She was far too inquisitive to leave a question unanswered, and that curiosity might someday teach her the true meaning of sorrow.

"...and Xu thinks I've lost my mind, but she just doesn't understand how much this means to me."

Edea snapped to the present again with a jolt. She had allowed Quistis to tell her everything, yet hadn't heard a word of it.

"And how much _does_ it mean to you, darling?"

Quistis carefully straightened one of her bent pages, smoothing it out over her thigh. Everything she had ever wondered was in those pages. She was certain of it. "There's something in here. I can almost smell it, like when I'm fighting and it hurts so much and the world changes and there's this scent and..."

Edea shushed her and gathered the pages. "Enough. It's too late to get so upset over it."

"I'm not upset. I just..." She just what? Felt that Xu might be right? That she had finally lost her mind? That this was bordering on obsession? "...feel like I'm starting to remember who I am."

Dust and grit coated the bottom page in each stack of leaves. Edea made a silent note to sweep again, though it would do little good. It was impossible to keep the sand off the floors. She felt Quistis watching her, so she took her time blowing the dust off each page as she considered what to say next. "Be careful of what you try to remember. Some things are more than just memories."

Quistis said nothing. This wasn't the same as recalling the first time she tasted ice cream or when she learned how to read. These memories weren't her own, though their existence was threaded throughout her essence, humming like harp strings.

"I imagine you spend a lot of time trying to summon every thought you've ever had."

Every thought? No. Just those that her mind deemed unsuitable for daily use and retrieval. Junctioning had only a temporary effect on memory retention. Without the guardian forces scraping her mind clean, she was slowly gathering information on everything she had forgotten. It was a slow process, and sometimes painful, but she knew she would eventually recall what had been forced from her mind. She couldn't quite explain why this felt so different to Edea. It was almost as if her brain was refusing to let her access what she needed. "It's natural to want to regain what one has lost, isn't it?"

"Is it?" Edea's smile was soft and sad. She could read every word in Quistis' book, though she spoke only Common. Ultimecia wasn't the only one to leave shadows in her mind, to tell her stories more horrifying than anything found in a story book.

_Drop the pebble into the water. And the next. Now all of them. Yes, throw them all at once. See the ripples, my love? How they bounce and destroy each other? I can never be around still water. I hear them, all the time. They beg and they sing and they plot and they whisper. Take me from here. The sea washes out their voices. Please, Cid. Take me there and stay with me. I only want to hear you._

Pages gathered and tucked neatly into their cover, Edea set it aside until morning. She would clean and rebind it later. She wanted to read it in its entirety, without having to skip from section to section. "I have quite an impressive number of memories I'd like to lose and never recall again."

"That isn't the same thing."

Foolish, selfish girl. She had no concept, no idea what it meant to remember. Edea stood from the couch and moved to the door., her skirt clutched in her hand like a hawk might hold a fish. "No, it isn't. It isn't fair, either. You want to remember everything and can't, and I'd like to forget that I'm cursed to remember eons."

Shamed, Quistis fidgeted with her hands. "I didn't mean..."

Edea looked up the hall, eager to step into the darkness away from the lights of the living room. She wanted away from everyone for a while, to take a walk in her garden and listen to her slumbering bees. "No. You didn't. I'm sorry, Quistis. I'm sometimes very...envious of certain things. It's one of my greatest faults. I lust and obsess and covet and it drives me mad."

She looked so old, leaning against the doorframe like that. Quistis fought the urge to take Edea's elbow and lead her to bed. She should have been more considerate of what her questions were doing to her. Turning off the lamp and forcing herself to leave the book on the end table, she stood next to Edea and hugged her. "Everyone does that sometimes."

"Not everyone." Edea broke the embrace and took a step back. Without seeing how old her daughter was, it was easier to be her mother. "What is he to you?"

"Who?"

"Don't be coy. It doesn't suit you."

Back to Seifer. Why did everything go back to him?

"I don't know. I don't think I'm anything to..."

Edea's sigh was lost in the darkness. "That isn't what I asked. You know very well what you are to him. Is he the same to _you?"_

"I...don't..."

Edea spun her around so that she would be headed to her room. The girl was blind sometimes, though it was now clear that she refused to be any other way. "Don't expect him to fall into your lap just because you've graced him with your presence. It isn't fair to him and it certainly isn't fair to you."

"I..."

"Go to bed. We'll talk more tomorrow. I think we both need some sleep."

* * *

_Thunk._

Seifer's eyes flew open.

_Thwap. Rustle, rustle, rustle._

Somebody was in his room. He could see his cactuar boxers on the floor and hear the crackle of someone stepping on his magazines.

A series of heavy thumps sounded from the window, almost like someone was trying to search for hidden recesses in the stone with his knuckles.

_Bang. _

"Who's there?"

The sound of someone trying to hold his breath filled the room. Seifer waited for the intruder to exhale so that he could determine his position, but was surprised when he heard a deep voice say, "Nobody."

Not for the last time, Seifer wished that he had kept his gunblade under the bed instead of in the closet.

"What?"

_I'm too drunk for this. _

"Er...Nobody."

_Okay, so I'm hallucinating. Note to self: Fancy cinnamon beer makes me crazy. That's all. It's just like that party we had second year, when Fu drank that funguar tea and spent all night arguing with that tree in the quad. _

"Then who's saying Nobody?"

_Logic. Take that, drunk voice in my head._

"Er..."

There was movement along the wall. This was no fucking hallucination. "Show yourself or get your arms torn off."

"Mwahahahaha! Fool! I am far too mighty for..."

An enormous shadowy form stood in front of the window, obscuring the light of the moon. The figure was very large, obviously a juicer. Seifer decided that if it did come to an altercation, he wouldn't even waste time trying to kick this guy in the balls. It looked like he had been on steroids for so long that his nuts had probably receded into his crotch for protection from the cold, cruel world.

_Wait. Did he just laugh?_

"Did you just laugh?"

What kind of drugs was this guy on?

"Mwahaha! Why yes! I made mockery of your boast!"

"No. Not that. You just said "Mwahaha." Like, I heard you say the M and the 'wa' and all of it."

And what the fuck was he wearing? Was that a cape? Seifer sat up and squinted. Yep. That was a cape. A big, red cape. With a hood. Holy bloody hell.

"T-that was...that was the sound of your doom, knave! Behold!" Beefy arms lifted high above his head, the figure sought to reach behind his back for his weapons, but instead banged his knuckles on the ceiling.

"Ow..."

Great. He was being stalked by a bodybuilding drag queen that majored in theatre.

The giant looked to the door. Seifer saw the direction of his gaze and jumped to cut him off. If he planned on running, then he would have to fight his way out. Nobody broke into Seifer Almasy's bedroom and threw his favorite underwear on the ground without dying. The cactuars glowed in the dark, after all.

"And who the hell walks around saying things like "I am far too mighty."? What, are we in a comic book? Nobody says shit like that!"

Stomping his feet, shaking the entire bedroom, the figure advanced on Seifer, then fell back when Seifer mirrored the movement.

"I...Enough of these games!"

Could he reach his gunblade? The closet was just to his right. It would only take...

The figure was busy flourishing his cape like a matador in the Galbadian behemoth arenas.

Could he reach it? Probably. But why waste the effort?

"Who's playing? I just want to know who the fuck is wandering around my room!"

The cape was thrown back in a grand sweep. If his voice had been low before, now it threatened to turn Seifer's insides to water. He felt much as he did when his posse had seats next to the speakers at the Blood Soul concert.

"I am...a shadow, a whisper on the wind, a traveling warrior on a quest to find my homeland else tragedy befall my..."

Seifer rolled his eyes. "You're a dumb fuck on a quest to get his ass beaten. Now tell me what the hell you're doing in my room!"

A thick finger poked Seifer in the chest.

At least he hoped it was a finger. The dude was really tall, after all.

"Impudent wretch. You were rude to my lady and I am here to retrieve her property."

Seifer slapped his hand away. "Lady? What lady?"

"The fair jewel that even now rests in her chambers below."

"Below...? You mean Quistis?"

"The very same."

Seifer blinked. "We don't even have stairs! How the hell can she be below?"

"You would do well to remember your place, dog. Address her as a peasant should, with the reverence due her station."

Who the fuck was this guy? And why was he wearing a ceiling fan on his back? And why...wait a second. Did he really just call Quistis a lady?

"What?"

"The lady wishes to be called Instructor and you should..."

"Instructor? She hates that name!"

"She loves it!"

"She hates it!"

It was Seifer's turn to poke his finger at the intruder. "Listen to me, buster. I've known her for years..."

"As have I, Lapdog."

Ooh, he wanted to hit him. Seifer had his fist ready to tear into the guy's chest and make him eat his own heart when he heard a soft knock at the door.

"Seifer?"

He looked to the door, then back to the window. The figure was gone.

Well, mostly gone.

He was struggling to untangle himself from his cape just outside the window. He made a rude gesture to Seifer, then ran off into the night. Perplexed and pissed off, Seifer locked the window and grabbed his gunblade from the closet and tossed it on the bed. If that asshole had the hots for Quistis, he was going to slice off his dick and feed it to him before he could use it.

"Seifer? Is everything okay?"

He opened the door and found Quistis standing in a t-shirt and those ridiculously sexy girl boxers. It was a cruel trick of physics that even though part of her legs were covered, they seemed even longer than they normally did in those damned things. And who decided that she should be allowed to walk around in a t-shirt that was two sizes too small for her? She planned it this way. Evil, conniving bitch.

"What the hell do you want?"

She peered over his shoulder and noticed the mess. It looked like the place had been ransacked.

"Are you okay? I heard voices."

"I'm fine."

She didn't believe him. "I heard you arguing with someone. Were you having a bad dream?"

_Nope, Trepe. No dreams here. I've just lost my damned mind. _

"Just ...talking to old ghosts."

She smiled, though it wasn't a very amused expression. Ghosts had been her only companions for a long time. "I know the feeling."

Seifer leaned on one shoulder in what he hoped was a casual, nonchalant pose. He was entering that dizzy period of inebriation that meant he should either sit down or go back to sleep very, very soon. "What do you want?"

She closed her eyes, likely to rehearse the script that she had written at the door. She was maddeningly thorough that way. "I wasn't myself earlier and I just came to say..."

Did she realize that someone knew where she was sleeping? She didn't act like she knew. Some sack of shit had probably followed her off the ship. She could no doubt hold her own if someone meant her harm, but Seifer didn't want it to come to that. "You're getting ready to say something that will really piss me off, aren't you."

"Well, I thought I should apolo..."

"Shut up, Trepe." His hand snaked out and caught her collar. She tried to pull back, but he twisted it in his fist and kissed her before she could break free. She tasted like mint and baking soda, some expensive toothpaste that could probably clean the grout between tile. He expected her to try to bite him or at least call him a bastard, but she was eagerly returning everything he was giving her. "You talk too fucking much."


End file.
